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Why single women should avoid men with children

19 April 2016, 19:04 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - You see now unlike before, it is totally normal and very okay for a couple to be together, have a child and break up. No need to be with someone and force something that is no longer there which is the reason why a lot of people coming into any new relationship will have that hurdle of having to introduce the fact that they already have a child from a previous relationship.

A lot of people do not have an issue with it. You already take care of your own child so it is no skin off my nose whether you have one or not.

Other people have an issue with dating someone that already has a child with someone else. Before you rise up in arms let me explain. My mother has already warned me never ever to be with any man that already has a child with another woman. You would think she would be advising me to get my hands on a man as long as he is good but for her it has always been an issue and she does not want me to deal with that because she did. The man she married was never completely honest with her when they got into a relationship. First child in, a few months pregnant with the second one and the other woman comes in talking about how that man was and always has been hers. And she is not the cordial; let us talk in calm tones type but the harridan; the ones that are left back in mashamabani while the man comes and lies to the women in town how he is single and searching.

I’ve heard so much about this woman and the strife she has caused my mother that it is already ingrained in me that as long as a man ever tells me he has a child and the mother is alive or if I ever find out that she is still kicking and breathing, I just cannot be with him.

This is something I always say, when someone tells you they were with someone, a child was the product but they are no longer together-do your own research and get to know the mind of the other person. Not the one you are talking to, because they can tell you what they feel like telling you as long as it gets them what they want from you.

If they do the work and find you before you find them, (the first time my mother met the woman she was on her front yard, tending to whatever-she is always digging; sees some foreign person walking into the compound as if she owns it. You know that moment someone passes you without greeting or by your leave and you are wondering if they are crazy or you should approach? Then she saw my father talking to her cordially, she knew shit just got real because the women had a baby on her back. There was no Google and mobile back then so how did she find the house? The man told her ); talk to them and listen to whatever they have to say.

If this person has never moved on, that is because she/he is still hoping for something and they will never rest until they have it and you are out of ‘their’ lives. She/ he wants their family back and if you are luckier than my mother with no children and full commitment like marriage from this person; my dear pack your bags and leave that person alone.

Dealing with an ex or a current who already has a child or children with someone is hectic and can be downright life threatening. The worst part is when you have a partner who tells you, ‘It is not that serious. They do this all the time.’

Who wants to keep dealing with that for the rest of your relationship/ marriage with this person?

The only single parents that you should ever enter into a serious relationship with are the ones that have amicable agreements with their fellow parent. Each of them knows their boundary. Each of them respects the other one and their new relationship. They play a role in the child’s life and leave it at that. They do not interfere or keep asking about your relationship. They do not ‘pop up’ at your home out of the blue. That is usually a very bad sign, especially if there is no Google. That says they are crazy enough to use whatever measures necessary to find you.

The most important thing of all; when the other one has clearly moved on and is in a relationship of their own. Do not trust the ones that are still single. Do not-no matter what they tell you! Especially if they have never had something else after this person left.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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