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Why ladies should not be mad about Valentine's Day

15 February 2016, 14:06 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Simply put in one sentence, ‘you wait for that one day in order to feel special with the person you have chosen to be with.’

So what is happening the rest of the year? Because the kind of desperation that this day is approached with just goes to show how lackluster a lot of relationships are? You go all out on one day and then you wake up the following day and someone reminds you, ‘Valentine’s iliisha jana; ni nini unatake tena?’

The worst part is, it is in the beginning of the year. Meaning that from February 15th to January the following year; you are back to square one as a couple. Back to a mundane routine of basic hallo-that is maybe because for most people it is usually kids and work getting in the way. For another couple, if they try really hard they might be able to squeeze in a date or two here and there but generally just back to business. You do not remember you have a spouse, you don’t ask them about their day, you do not surprise each other, you do not talk to each other and at one point you no longer even go for dates because you already locked that in.

I think I have found out the reason most men hate relationships and run away from commitment. You guys take the worst L’s when it comes to being with a girlfriend. The best she will ever do for you is boast how she cooks and cleans and thus she deserves to be pampered when it comes to Valentines, her birthday, anniversaries or any other event she can come up with. But what about the man when he asks about his birthday or anniversary or surprise, she will answer, ‘…but I cook and clean for you and iron (maybe). I run your house. What surprise are you talking about?’ Dare a man even ask that question for that matter.

For women, I always have one line for you, ‘being in a relationship is not about you being a maid. If that is what you are doing then that is why you are failing 365/364 days in a year.

I have a girlfriend who always surprises me with her rules. I was with her this past Saturday, the 13th and she tells me for her Valentines has always been a day she spends with her girls. Always! By the way it is not because she is lacking in the man category, she is always in a relationship but no matter what day or night Valentine falls in, she will be with any of us-the women in her life!

I had asked what she and her man are planning on doing; she tells me that her man never celebrates Valentines. You know a woman’s instinctual reaction, I was about to be like, ‘How dare he not even ask you what you want?’ Forgetting about her rule! I was about to run a tirade on her behalf then she reminded me about her rule but I was still mad because for me the gesture is what matters. At least ask first to just show you care what I think.

She cools me down though and tells me that he plans on taking her to coast the following week. First of all, the whole circus will have died down and things will not be overbooked or very expensive. Before you say that he is a cheap ass, here is the twist. This is not something they do for special occasions. It is something they always do throughout their whole relationship. They are always spending weekends together in one county or the other. He is always taking her to coast or some destination. She always goes and picks him up from work when she leaves at 8pm in the night. Not in a car and she is not driving. She walks from University way (somewhere around there. I do not know town really well) and walks to Koinange street at night to pick him as he closes up. They come home together. They send each other lunches at work and I know so don’t doubt me! When they can (like when it is a good time in the month and salary is not dwindling); if they cannot, she at times cooks at home on a weekend and invites him over-out of the blue. Not planned.

So you are over here doing a jig because you pressured someone to but you a rose and take you out for a fancy dinner but what about the rest of the year. What are they doing? Are they treating you well? Do you feel nice being in that relationship after a one day event is over? If you have to force someone to make you feel special, then you are already failing.

Valentines and love is also not a one sided event. It should be reciprocated, if the other party can afford to do it as well. You surprise each other. If someone beats you to it and does something nice for you this February, you do not have to wait until next year to try as well. March is also a month, and so is April or just any of the other eleven months on the calendar. Don’t wait for a single day to do something, try keeping your relationship alive.

If you are not getting my friend’s type of relationship, then I don’t believe in whatever you have. Try and create a better atmosphere for you and your partner or spouse. Don’t say, I wish, I wish…. There is always time and the next day for you to try and do something better. Otherwise I do hope you had a good Valentine and do use it as a platform to have a better relationship the rest of the year.

If you did not get treated nicely or get anything for Valentine’s, don’t be mad about it. There are many ways to kill a cat. As I have said, there are many months in a year. Just be nice, don’t sulk, shout or be angry that is expected behavior. Kill wickedness with kindness. Just think what if your husband wasn’t available or was away for work or something-nothing you can do about it. You would have spent the day alone; but if he is here and he is being mean, just be nice and cook or whatever. Don’t swerve the plate across the table or throw it on the table and click. I know you are going to do what I am saying to guilt trip him-but that is the point! To get better treatment the rest of the year. 

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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