Why ladies should not be mad about Valentine's Day
15 February 2016, 14:06
Nairobi - Simply put in one sentence, ‘you wait for that one day in
order to feel special with the person you have chosen to be with.’
So what is happening the rest of the year? Because the kind
of desperation that this day is approached with just goes to show how
lackluster a lot of relationships are? You go all out on one day and then you
wake up the following day and someone reminds you, ‘Valentine’s iliisha jana; ni nini unatake tena?’
The worst part is, it is in the beginning of the year.
Meaning that from February 15th to January the following year; you
are back to square one as a couple. Back to a mundane routine of basic
hallo-that is maybe because for most people it is usually kids and work getting
in the way. For another couple, if they try really hard they might be able to
squeeze in a date or two here and there but generally just back to business.
You do not remember you have a spouse, you don’t ask them about their day, you
do not surprise each other, you do not talk to each other and at one point you
no longer even go for dates because you
already locked that in.
I think I have found out the reason most men hate
relationships and run away from commitment. You guys take the worst L’s when it
comes to being with a girlfriend. The best she will ever do for you is boast
how she cooks and cleans and thus she deserves to be pampered when it comes to
Valentines, her birthday, anniversaries or any other event she can come up
with. But what about the man when he asks about his birthday or anniversary or
surprise, she will answer, ‘…but I cook and clean for you and iron (maybe). I
run your house. What surprise are you talking about?’ Dare a man even ask that
question for that matter.
For women, I always have one line for you, ‘being in a
relationship is not about you being a maid. If that is what you are doing then
that is why you are failing 365/364 days in a year.
I have a girlfriend who always surprises me with her rules.
I was with her this past Saturday, the 13th and she tells me for her
Valentines has always been a day she spends with her girls. Always! By the way
it is not because she is lacking in the man category, she is always in a
relationship but no matter what day or night Valentine falls in, she will be
with any of us-the women in her life!
I had asked what she
and her man are planning on doing; she tells me that her man never celebrates
Valentines. You know a woman’s instinctual reaction, I was about to be like,
‘How dare he not even ask you what you want?’ Forgetting about her rule! I was
about to run a tirade on her behalf then she reminded me about her rule but I
was still mad because for me the gesture is what matters. At least ask first to
just show you care what I think.
She cools me down though and tells me that he plans on
taking her to coast the following week. First of all, the whole circus will
have died down and things will not be overbooked or very expensive. Before you
say that he is a cheap ass, here is the twist. This is not something they do
for special occasions. It is
something they always do throughout their whole relationship. They are always
spending weekends together in one county or the other. He is always taking her
to coast or some destination. She always goes and picks him up from work when
she leaves at 8pm in the night. Not in a car and she is not driving. She walks
from University way (somewhere around there. I do not know town really well)
and walks to Koinange street at night to pick him as he closes up. They come
home together. They send each other lunches at work and I know so don’t doubt
me! When they can (like when it is a good time in the month and salary is not
dwindling); if they cannot, she at times cooks at home on a weekend and invites
him over-out of the blue. Not planned.
So you are over here doing a jig because you pressured
someone to but you a rose and take you out for a fancy dinner but what about
the rest of the year. What are they doing? Are they treating you well? Do you
feel nice being in that relationship after a one day event is over? If you have
to force someone to make you feel special, then you are already failing.
Valentines and love is also not a one sided event. It should
be reciprocated, if the other party can afford to do it as well. You surprise
each other. If someone beats you to it and does something nice for you this
February, you do not have to wait until next year to try as well. March is also
a month, and so is April or just any of the other eleven months on the
calendar. Don’t wait for a single day to do something, try keeping your
If you are not getting my friend’s type of relationship,
then I don’t believe in whatever you have. Try and create a better atmosphere
for you and your partner or spouse. Don’t say, I wish, I wish…. There is always
time and the next day for you to try and do something better. Otherwise I do
hope you had a good Valentine and do use it as a platform to have a better
relationship the rest of the year.
If you did not get treated nicely or get anything for
Valentine’s, don’t be mad about it. There are many ways to kill a cat. As I
have said, there are many months in a year. Just be nice, don’t sulk, shout or
be angry that is expected behavior. Kill wickedness with kindness. Just think
what if your husband wasn’t available or was away for work or something-nothing
you can do about it. You would have spent the day alone; but if he is here and
he is being mean, just be nice and cook or whatever. Don’t swerve the plate
across the table or throw it on the table and click. I know you are going to do
what I am saying to guilt trip him-but that is the point! To get better
treatment the rest of the year.
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