Why is he running away from me?
28 December 2015, 19:00
Nairobi - It might be a red flag but, it might not be which is the best side to look at especially if you are married and actually committed to each other. People need a break at times and most times as with a woman’s nature you will not want to understand that but try to fix the situation.
The best analogy to go with this which you will automatically understand is maybe work; or being a mum 24/7. Yes, don’t sugar-coat it and say you enjoy it all the time because at times you want take a break because you are tired. It does not mean you love your children less it just means that you need a break that is all and just like work, we all need a break from it most times that is why we have leave days even if we enjoy what we do.
So, when your husband or boyfriend or fiancé pulls away from you, it might just mean that they need to re-group which is normal. This is when you are advised about space because most women’s first reaction is usually what can I do to fix it? Or what can I do to make it better? How can I help you? When he becomes more resistant you get more defensive, taking your relationship to a situation it never was in, in the first place. Asking whether they are cheating or have found someone else or whether they are guilty about something they need to confess.
That is when; even if he was sorting out his thoughts and emotions for your relationship to become better it becomes worse because you are showing that you do not trust him.
You need to learn how to take a step back and not always react to situations immediately. You can ask but when they give you a response even though it is not to your liking, allow them the space they are trying to indirectly ask for. When it gets to be too much or two long like a month later, that is when you put your foot down and get in someone’s face. But allow someone their space because they will respect that maturity than emotional outbursts that get you nowhere.
Don’t force the situation but always being in that space after allowing it. Insistent phone calls and texts waning to know how they are. Always checking in to see if they are okay and yet they are just in the same room only quite. Forcing the situation creates more distance than before because you step in and they step further back; now you have more ground to cover. Allow him the time and the one to make the decision to come to you when he has figured it out.
He might not even have answers then just an apology and telling you he was going through something. We all go through somethings so why do we always expect that men should be any less? They are just human like we are. We don’t want to talk about it, we solve it and move on so allow him the same once in a while if it does not interfere with your relationship in a negative way.
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