Why I will not get married until I'm 30
17 February 2016, 13:17
Nairobi - African philosophy is really quite simple when it comes to
life; go to school, don’t be in a relationship while at school ( let me correct
that; don’t let your parents catch you with any person of the other sex until
you are 30), have a job then get married and present your parents with
grandchildren. But that was before life happened in our decade.
I look back and remember the days my mother would tell me she is looking forward to my wedding when I hit 25. Even then I already knew
that that was not likely to happen because I had always knows I had to get a
job first before I decide to put myself in a marital state. Someone will tell
me, you cannot plan these things. Well, I do plan these things and I have
always known there is no way I will get married if I cannot properly provide
for any children that I have. That is
what happens when you get married; no matter how much you will plan for the
child to come after two years, you will have an oops moment because you are a
couple having sex.
My mother has turned around to appreciate my way of
thinking; she is even encouraging me not to be worried even if I hit 30. In her
own words; ‘just take life slow and be sure of yourself before you make such a
lifetime commitment. Yes, I would like to have grandchildren but please we are
not bringing children to struggle or hustling
with them!’ I was mentally clapping by the time she was done with her little
speech. We both agree that it is not the right time for me to be giving birth
uselessly nor irresponsibly. She is also not in a rush to see me hopping from
one relationship to the next trying to find that one man. If you are in a
relationship, there is always the chance you will get pregnant by the man you
are currently with, so my mother is like, ‘having children with different
fathers is just one of those things you do not want to do to yourself, so
please just continue being single and celibate (rolling my eyes) until you
settle in life.
For the ladies, I will just tell you, at times you do not
have the kind of support that I have from the right venues. Too much pressure
form the people closest to you forces you to make hasty decisions. Maybe
because they think you are getting too old or they think it is the right time.
But the best thing you can ever do for yourself is know your situation and know
your mind then make the decisions that you think is best for you. You have to
also know to defend your decisions or just be like me; listen while you sip
your tea and when they are done talking, they will keep quiet.
You know you are not ready to raise a child, then no need to
rush into it until you are sure you do not have to depend on handouts or
chasing the baby father around for help.
You know you do not have the right man to marry and you know
he will stress you, so do not force yourself into that situation because the
situation does not get better. Don’t start thinking of a family if the two of
you cannot take care of yourselves. That
is how you avoid struggle.
If you find yourself in a situation where you have the child
but you know the man is not the right husband material for you; then it is not
the end of the world. You just don’t rush into making certain lifetime
situations because the circumstance does not look good. I can assure you, if
you do not like it now, you will not like it later but regret it.
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