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Why I do not believe in abstinence before marriage

08 August 2016, 18:02 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - The other day my pastor was praying for me and he was saying that I need to stop being a w****.

He actually used the Swahili word for it. At that point I was not sure whether he was joking, whether to be mad or is he trying to tell me that everyone he knows abstains until marriage.

I never reveal my thoughts so I kept quiet while he went on and on and finally asks me if I have a boyfriend. I am weary of pastors already so when he asked me this question I was already jumping to conclusions and wondering why it was any of his interest. And what it had to do with my prayers.

At this point you already know he is talking about marriage and how I should abstain until marriage. In my head I was already thinking how it was already impossible but kept it to myself.

When he was finally done being pious, I just kept thinking to myself whether now I was not meant to have sex or any physical contact with a man until I marry him.

First, I am not ready for marriage so we are talking about 2-4 years of abstinence. If I am being honest with myself, that is a lie. The most I have done is a year going to two, and he is asking me to extend that; that cannot work for me.

Second, I think that you are setting yourself up when you marry someone and you have no idea if they can satisfy you. That is my opinion, you are welcome to yours but allow me mine.

People save themselves for marriage only to end up cheating on each other because they surprised themselves on the wedding night. Someone has no idea how an orgasm feels like, another does not know how the opposite sex’s body works and they keep hearing tales and that makes them wonder and soon enough, they allow someone else to show them because they are realizing or wondering whether it is them or the spouse.

On the outside, perfect married couple but when you actually find out what they are up to, not quite. So I am always honest with myself, when it comes to my husband I will just have to know and that forms an integral part of it whether we all want to admit it or not.

The bedroom matters and when it is dysfunctional, everything else falls apart. When you no longer want your partner, they repulse and you want to be with someone else- it breaks your marriage. That is why when we are dating it will eventually lead to that- I just don’t like surprises.

At times I wonder if Ciara/ Russell was disappointed but cannot show it because they made it into a long drawn out romance and they would not like to cut it short for us.

I just don’t like surprises, that is why I fall under the non-pious league.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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