Why I do not believe in abstinence before marriage
08 August 2016, 18:02
Nairobi - The other day my pastor was praying for me
and he was saying that I need to stop being a w****.
He actually used the
Swahili word for it. At that point I was not sure whether he was joking,
whether to be mad or is he trying to tell me that everyone he knows abstains
I never reveal my thoughts so I kept quiet
while he went on and on and finally asks me if I have a boyfriend. I am weary
of pastors already so when he asked me this question I was already jumping to
conclusions and wondering why it was any of his interest. And what it had to do
with my prayers.
At this point you already know he is
talking about marriage and how I should abstain until marriage. In my head I
was already thinking how it was already impossible but kept it to myself.
When he was finally done being pious, I
just kept thinking to myself whether now I was not meant to have sex or any
physical contact with a man until I marry him.
First, I am not ready for marriage so we are
talking about 2-4 years of abstinence. If I am being honest with myself, that
is a lie. The most I have done is a year going to two, and he is asking me to
extend that; that cannot work for me.
Second, I think that you are setting
yourself up when you marry someone and you have no idea if they can satisfy
you. That is my opinion, you are welcome to yours but allow me mine.
People save themselves for marriage only to
end up cheating on each other because they surprised themselves on the wedding
night. Someone has no idea how an orgasm feels like, another does not know how
the opposite sex’s body works and they keep hearing tales and that makes them
wonder and soon enough, they allow someone else to show them because they are
realizing or wondering whether it is them or the spouse.
On the outside, perfect married couple but
when you actually find out what they are up to, not quite. So I am always
honest with myself, when it comes to my husband I will just have to know and
that forms an integral part of it whether we all want to admit it or not.
The bedroom matters and when it is
dysfunctional, everything else falls apart. When you no longer want your
partner, they repulse and you want to be with someone else- it breaks your
marriage. That is why when we are dating it will eventually lead to that- I
just don’t like surprises.
At times I wonder if Ciara/ Russell was
disappointed but cannot show it because they made it into a long drawn out
romance and they would not like to cut it short for us.
I just don’t like surprises, that is why I
fall under the non-pious league.
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