Why I am not ready for a serious relationship
26 July 2016, 15:03
Nairobi - I wanted to say you but I figured let me
just talk about myself because I do not know what your case is but maybe you
We tell whether we are aging by looking at
either the big 5 or the big 0. The others do not count. When it is five you
know that you are halfway there and you panic a little bit then you get over it
after some alcohol because at least it is not that one big 0 that scares
everyone, 30. When you are 30 and you have not moved jobs since two years ago
or progressed knowledge wise, study wise or professionally or basically in
life. Living the same way you did three years ago or at 25, no business, no
career moves or improvement-you die.
Relationship-wise, it is always a matter
of, you can just flag someone you recently met or you have put on the
backburner for a while. So it does not scare all of us. So I aged a bit a few
months ago and I thought I am ready for a relationship- a serious one. Two
months later I have changed my mind. I have too many things to do and I would
really not like to encourage someone while they put themselves on hold for me.
First, I don’t think I have dated enough
people. I have been in only one relationship, which ended two years ago and the
rest that followed can’t be called relationships. I cannot get Mr. Right if I
have no idea of all the Mr. Wrongs. I have not dated enough to know what I can
put up with and what I can’t. I have an idea but I really do like to be
thorough about some things.
Some man was giving me relationship advice,
‘…Being with someone is good for you because you share.’
I was just like, you know the other day I
left work so tired and basically I just slept until morning now picture me with
Me: ‘I am so tired let me just go to
African boyfriend (maybe Kenyan): But what
are we going to eat? (When a man has a girlfriend maybe wife she is in charge
of his brain and stomach- I mean you cannot go to sleep until both are figured
Me: What do you want to eat?
Him: I don’t know I thought you were going
to make something.
Me: Take out? We can order in something you
Him: That is expensive, just make
something. I don’t like take out ata.
I also have a girlfriend/wife. Why am I eating bought food?
I have nothing against cooking but let me
just enjoy the freedom of going to bed without cooking for a bit or haggling
over it. By the time my husband comes along I will just remember these days
because I will have enjoyed enough.
Before you settle down you need to have a
clear idea of what you want out of life and get someone who will not derail you
from it. It leads to dissatisfaction. Marriage and being with someone has a way
of making you compromise on a lot of things. That is not a bad thing but get a
clear idea of what you want and be with someone who supports you and reminds
you of it so that you are not crying ten years later about how you could have
been this and that is the child had just not showed up too early or at the
inopportune time; or if your spouse had not gotten that job that made you move.
Those are the types of compromises I am
talking about. At times bills get shared and the money you could have put
aside, becomes the only route to solve a problem that comes up. We talk about
two people living together easing the burden but there are also challenges that
come up like sorting your partner that one time a family member comes
unannounced or someone is sick back at the village.
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