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Why are stay at home wives treated so badly?

17 March 2016, 19:57 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I said wife because Africans are still grappling with the idea of women being better providers. I can just imagine the heckling with the idea of house husbands.

Do you think as a stay at home wife or as a woman who contributes little to no amount in her own household’s upkeep; she has an equal say in every decision that entails the said household? Before you shout your answer because I am sure you are itching to let me narrate something funny I heard.

A wife, stay at home wife, was increasingly getting tired of her husband’s habit of making decisions without her. In some cases, if she was even part of the discussion, he would have the final say regardless of what she had contributed to the discussion. So this time she had something important to talk to him about and it was about something to do with money-his money, their money-I don’t know what to call it. They sat down for lunch and as she presented the budget the man was like, ‘no, we do not need this. No, this is not relevant.’ So on and on…..

You know that thing husbands do when you are discussing money and your spending it.  She finally got annoyed and told him the issue that had been bugging her and she put it to him, ‘We are married but are we equal? I feel like I am lesser than you in this relationship.’

You would think that this particular husband would see the avalanche coming and at least pretend or lie so as not to hurt his wife’s feeling but no. He just told her baldly, ‘No we are not equal. I take care of this family. I am the main provider and you contribute nothing. So no, we are not equal because I get the final say when it comes to my hard earned money and how it is spent.’

She used to earn but when she fell pregnant, she decided to stop working and after consulting with the man she decided to raise the children but now he was not going to remember he was part of that decision. He stuck his guns and there was nothing she could do about it.

Initially, my title was going to be, ‘Women, your work should be your husband.’ Take care of it and nurture it so that you can enjoy the fruits but I knew that I would have been met negatively from both sides if I had said that first. The husband who would have said, I am talking badly to wives yet I am sure he would be the husband that would say the same thing to the wife. But now I will ask that husband, ‘Do you treat your wife, even the stay at home wife as your equal partner?’ Regardless of what she brings at home or doesn’t? Is she a part of all your decisions?

Or the wife who is at the moment thinking of quitting her job to raise the family. Nothing wrong with that but first, look at the man you married. Is he a good man or you are doing it for all the wrong reasons like trying to please him? Because when it comes to that moment, he will forget that he said you should quit your job. All he will see is thathe is the head of the house and you are not allowed to walk around like you won anything when you actually don’t.

So how do you feel about that decision now? Do you still think you are going to be equal in that relationship?

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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