Why are stay at home wives treated so badly?
17 March 2016, 19:57
Nairobi - I said wife because Africans are still grappling with the
idea of women being better providers. I can just imagine the heckling with the
idea of house husbands.
Do you think as a stay at home wife or as a woman who
contributes little to no amount in her own household’s upkeep; she has an equal
say in every decision that entails the said household? Before you shout your
answer because I am sure you are itching to let me narrate something funny I
A wife, stay at home wife, was increasingly getting tired of
her husband’s habit of making decisions without her. In some cases, if she was
even part of the discussion, he would have the final say regardless of what she
had contributed to the discussion. So this time she had something important to
talk to him about and it was about something to do with money-his money, their
money-I don’t know what to call it. They sat down for lunch and as she
presented the budget the man was like, ‘no, we do not need this. No, this is
not relevant.’ So on and on…..
You know that thing husbands do when you are discussing
money and your spending it. She finally
got annoyed and told him the issue that had been bugging her and she put it to
him, ‘We are married but are we equal? I feel like I am lesser than you in this
You would think that this particular husband would see the
avalanche coming and at least pretend or lie so as not to hurt his wife’s
feeling but no. He just told her baldly, ‘No
we are not equal. I take care of this family. I am the main provider and you contribute nothing. So no, we are
not equal because I get the final say when it comes to my hard earned money and
how it is spent.’
She used to earn but when she fell pregnant, she decided to
stop working and after consulting with the man she decided to raise the
children but now he was not going to remember he was part of that decision. He
stuck his guns and there was nothing she could do about it.
Initially, my title was going to be, ‘Women, your work should
be your husband.’ Take care of it and nurture it so that you can enjoy the
fruits but I knew that I would have been met negatively from both sides if I
had said that first. The husband who would have said, I am talking badly to
wives yet I am sure he would be the husband that would say the same thing to
the wife. But now I will ask that husband, ‘Do you treat your wife, even the
stay at home wife as your equal partner?’ Regardless of what she brings at home
or doesn’t? Is she a part of all your decisions?
Or the wife who is at the moment thinking of quitting her
job to raise the family. Nothing wrong with that but first, look at the man you
married. Is he a good man or you are doing it for all the wrong reasons like
trying to please him? Because when it comes to that moment, he will forget that
he said you should quit your job. All he will see is thathe is the head of the
house and you are not allowed to walk around like you won anything when you
So how do you feel about that decision now? Do you still
think you are going to be equal in that relationship?
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