Why are Kenyan women struggling to find good men?
25 April 2016, 21:49
Nairobi - Last week there was a certain piece written by a lady doing
the rounds on my Facebook. You know those long pieces people write and now you
have to read because you are idle and have nothing to do at that moment. I
cannot even give credit because I do not remember where I picked it from but it
was talking about appreciating the simpler things in life.
It was talking about Baba Junior* coming home to a Mama
Junior* who was washing utensils at their doorstep and she would welcome him
home after a long day. They live in some humble rentals and the odd day out
with the family looked something like them gong to Uhuru Park to drink soda and
row boats. That type of thing. The article was showing contentment and finding
satisfaction with where you are in life and who you are with. At times it just
might be that you were never meant to have that high life.
Obviously from the above article we can tell a lot of things
about Mama Junior. First of all she does not know where to get acrylics to put
on her nails because the urban Nairobi lady will die before washing utensils on
her freshly done manicure. She is also not harboring some resentment against
Baba Junior for making her live an almost squalid life with nothing great in
his mind but roughing it. She did not mind that he could not take her to some urban café for some urban eating. She was okay and for a moment I pictured myself
living that life. Enough about me!
You can imagine the uproar in the comment section from the
Kenyan ladies, ‘I do not work so hard so that I can live like that.’ ‘Heaven
forbid.’ ‘They are so mediocre and I can never live that mediocre life.’
In my mind I was already calculating and thinking, ‘If
everyone is thinking like this, then we really must be a very rich country.
Everyone is rich and wants to stay rich.’ At this point I am not even sure what
class I am in. I might just fall in the lower one.
If you know me, you know I had to go on all their profile
pictures and do a little stalking to see these ladies that were talking about
coming from a particular class and not being able to come down from it.
I will be honest, some of you make some demands but you do
not look like those demands. You know what I mean? Most of us ladies (I will
put myself in the mix so that you do not get offended) have forgotten the fact
that everyone starts from somewhere. Everyone wants a man who will invite her
to his house at Kileleshwa. Not at Huruma or Umoja-heaven forbid! Muthaiga and
Gigiri or Karen are more like it. No one no longer wants the guy that is
working hard to make a come up. He better come already fixed and knowing where
he is going, no one wants to do hand holding.
This is why Nairobi women don’t date their colleagues. Not
because of the backlash from dating your co-worker but because she already know
your salary and she is not about that hustler life. Yes, if you are walking to
work, and you both share a cubicle-she already knows that since you are not in
any corner office that you are not the one.
The people in corner offices are married already so are we
all angling to be second wives or how is this one working? You have to take a
step back and look at your colleague who is dying of love for you and their
work ethic. You are overlooking someone now in order to be someone mistress,
and one day, they will retire and the man that wanted you ends up in that
office. Now because he already knows what you did with the former boss, do you
think you are about to demand for marriage from him? No you are not. He will
place you in the same category you placed yourself and you will stick around
thinking that that puppy love is still there until he introduces you to that
fresh faced former you that is going to be the wife.
That is how you play yourself in life. It is that simple
really and that is what most of you when you hit that ripe age of 35 and single
did not know. It is not that the men are not there. They are there, aplenty.
Thing is, your Mr. Right is that one bumbling about in the wrong lane, looking
all types of Mr. Wrong. It might just be up to you, to help him figure it out.
The only person who will understand you and will be the
right partner for you is the one that has come up with you and can acknowledge
your input in their life. Just rush of to look for that already made person,
they like you because of your dependence on them. They will marry you and put
you to the side because you really will not and cannot tell the guy anything.
You cannot eat your cake and have it as well in this life. That is just how it
works. For every good thing you get without actually putting in any work, you
pay twice as much to enjoy it. Think and understand that for a minute before
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