What leads to most unhappy marriages?
19 July 2016, 20:17
Nairobi - At times you would rather stop something at its tracks before it accumulates into something bigger and much harder to fix.
That is what leads to most divorces actually; ‘an accumulation of stuff that is not appreciated by either one or both parties.’
It is rarely as simple as cheating or lies or whatever other simple reason that you choose to come up with but an accumulation of stuff.
You were born with your siblings and it took you ages to get along. So what makes you think that it will be much easier to get along with someone you met maybe two years ago or longer? Fact of the matter is, you will have to learn to take them in just as you did with your siblings. That understanding that you have with them is the same you might have to apply to your spouse. For example, the way you know that your sister or brother is the one who is untidy and made you be the one to clean up after them-it is sort of the same thing with the spouse. It annoys you but you learn to apply patience to whatever ill habits they have in order to get along. Otherwise expecting them to come in perfect and ready because they are supposedly adults, that is a recipe for disaster. You are starting to learn to live with someone new; like a roommate.
Equality and feminism play a big role in today’s relationships. You just have to have an understanding with your partner from the get go because I do not have a universal rule that is applicable to everybody. Everyone is different. But then ego and pride get in the way and you use equality as an excuse. Most relationships become unhappy because one wanted partnership while the other one has traditional roles in mind. Another one wants traditional and the other one is ready to accept modern ways of 50-50. It is a discussion you have to have in order for there to be an understanding.
Problem? Just sweep it under the rag. That is how to do it. I guess, it is small issue anyway. Until they accumulate and cause a lump and someone eventually trips over it. Learn from the simple small mistakes, avoid causing the same issues over and over again, get over it and don’t hold a grudge because if you ignore it, it eventually becomes a big issue.
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