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There is nothing wrong with enjoying your marriage first before getting children

04 October 2016, 19:25 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Most couples do not get to do this, especially in an African society because the apparent norm is that marriage = kids.

There is this ideology that marriage is only for procreation and nothing else such as companionship and friendship or partnership. As soon as you are married, people expect you to be trying to reproduce within the first year otherwise, something is wrong. How about we just want to take our time? And I guess that is a contributing factor as to why a lot of marriages are now distorted and do not make sense.

That is why for most it is like, we have had the kids, case closed, what else do you want from me?

I say, enjoy your marriage first. Build the trust, build the friendship, be more comfortable as husband and wife and enjoy that. You will understand each other better that way. Boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships are way different as compared to husband/ wife relationships.

After kids, you do not get to rewind the time and say I wish we could have. Kids are 18+ years of your marriage if you have never looked at it that way.

This is why after the first child, relationships change between the couple because they did not expect how the child would affect them. Soon enough the understanding boyfriend wants to get away from the tired new mum who is boring and smells like milk instead of helping her- you never built that partnership in the first place. You thought that it is just a child, then the second and third is here.

You never even noticed your sex life going away. Which is a major contributing factor to why couples drift apart. One is feeling less affectionate, the other is feeling rejected. Kids contribute to this because a new mother is never going to be in the mood immediately; she will suffer post-partum and if her husband is not understanding that this is not the usual her, he will choose to misunderstand her. The man instead of helping will choose to go to the bar because the wife is no longer fun and amazing. Then you ruin it by rushing to baby number two- you never even notice it. No one understands the other and why what is wrong is wrong. Soon you are forty and don’t understand why you got married. See!

First, build your marriage, enjoy just being together then have the kids. That would be my advice to any new young married couple or new engaged couple about to be married. Enjoy it for a year, two or three even if you have the time then have kids.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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