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The key to dating single parents

12 January 2016, 18:36 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Does not sound like a bright idea at first especially knowing how dramatic that can get. But it will be to your interest to get to know if you are dealing with a rational person or a mad woman and if you are ready for it.

Single parenting is the norm these days in a culture that frowned upon it a decade ago. These days’ people are not too worried about the outcome of a bad decision on a lonely night. You just choose to no longer be together but raise the kid separately while still living your lives. Or one party got the boot and is still mad about it, so you know there will always be a circus in your life. Those are the ones that get us worried.

On that note, we will talk about the other woman that is in your man’s life that is not a relative but the one he decided to procreate with. If he is a good man, you definitely know he will not abandon his child or neglect the child; thusly, the mother is still in his life.

Now how do you deal with that? Ignore them and act like they don’t exist, come on the weekends he does not have the child, blow up when he misses a date because an emergency came up, or be nice to kid and alienate the mother? Which one is your pick because a lot of women never think past the meetings and the odd day out? You just assume that the mother will always have him/her anyways so the future between you and the man is not really an issue but it can be and that is why you just might need to have a conversation with the mother.

If she is single and not married, she can say it is none of your business but it can be when she keeps showing up at inopportune times. I always say this; a baby mother that is never out of sight is someone you should worry about. She might still be interested in the man or she wasn’t but her interest has been resurrected. She can even make the best cases to the man on that regard: ‘we already have a child together and have grown past the differences; we can do this again and make it work.’ Or ‘why do you have to struggle with other women, let’s just do this again anyway!’

If she is constantly in the way when the two of you are in a bind or situation; offering him a place of refuge which he accepts. That is not only an insult from him to you because he should never do that but she is making herself a comfort zone. Be worried.

You need to meet the baby mother in order for you to understand the situation of that relationship from both sides. Ignoring her might lead you to co-wifing in the future or feeling like a third wheel in a triangle. If she keeps claiming him then be ready for the circus no matter what he says.

You need to have a conversation with her, or it is her duty to talk to you about the situation when it comes to her son being around you. What is acceptable and what is not; you don’t want someone following you with drama on abuse charges, neglect or wrongful defamation. She can also come up with this even if it does not happen because she does not want you ‘destroying’ her family. Coming in-between what prospered.

Never take sides when having these conversations; be neutral and listen to everything, take it in and watch everything. Then make a decision that is good for you. A man can have the best intentions where you are concerned but things happen and situations fail. Be ready for you to be the loser.

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- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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