The key to dating single parents
12 January 2016, 18:36
Nairobi - Does not sound like a bright idea at first especially
knowing how dramatic that can get. But it will be to your interest to get to
know if you are dealing with a rational person or a mad woman and if you are
ready for it.
Single parenting is the norm these days in a culture that
frowned upon it a decade ago. These days’ people are not too worried about the
outcome of a bad decision on a lonely night. You just choose to no longer be
together but raise the kid separately while still living your lives. Or one
party got the boot and is still mad about it, so you know there will always be
a circus in your life. Those are the ones that get us worried.
On that note, we will talk about the other woman that is in
your man’s life that is not a relative but the one he decided to procreate
with. If he is a good man, you definitely know he will not abandon his child or
neglect the child; thusly, the mother is still in his life.
Now how do you deal with that? Ignore them and act like they
don’t exist, come on the weekends he does not have the child, blow up when he
misses a date because an emergency came up, or be nice to kid and alienate the
mother? Which one is your pick because a lot of women never think past the
meetings and the odd day out? You just assume that the mother will always have
him/her anyways so the future between you and the man is not really an issue
but it can be and that is why you just might need to have a conversation with the
If she is single and not married, she can say it is none of
your business but it can be when she keeps showing up at inopportune times. I
always say this; a baby mother that is never out of sight is someone you should
worry about. She might still be interested in the man or she wasn’t but her
interest has been resurrected. She can even make the best cases to the man on
that regard: ‘we already have a child together and have grown past the
differences; we can do this again and make it work.’ Or ‘why do you have to
struggle with other women, let’s just do this again anyway!’
If she is constantly in the way when the two of you are in a
bind or situation; offering him a place of refuge which he accepts. That is not
only an insult from him to you because he should never do that but she is
making herself a comfort zone. Be worried.
You need to meet the baby mother in order for you to
understand the situation of that relationship from both sides. Ignoring her
might lead you to co-wifing in the
future or feeling like a third wheel in a triangle. If she keeps claiming him
then be ready for the circus no matter what he says.
You need to have a conversation with her, or it is her duty
to talk to you about the situation when it comes to her son being around you.
What is acceptable and what is not; you don’t want someone following you with
drama on abuse charges, neglect or wrongful defamation. She can also come up
with this even if it does not happen because she does not want you ‘destroying’
her family. Coming in-between what prospered.
Never take sides when having these conversations; be neutral
and listen to everything, take it in and watch everything. Then make a decision
that is good for you. A man can have the best intentions where you are
concerned but things happen and situations fail. Be ready for you to be the
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