Signs you should leave your relationship
26 July 2016, 12:12
We all want to be loved by someone; I mean, who doesn’t? Society has put so much pressure on relationships that if you are single people assume something is wrong with you. With this in mind, there are so many people out there clinging onto relationships that are leading to nowhere. It is better to stay single than stay in such a relationship. Below is a list of reasons as to why you should leave your relationship;
When you keep justifying his/her actions to yourself.
Whenever we experience a situation we’re uncomfortable about, we experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort that comes after facing something that conflicts our beliefs. When this happens, we try to come up with explanations, justifications so we can feel good about the situation.
If we feel the need to justify an action, that means we are uncomfortable with the action itself and we want to explain away the discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are self-created and may or may not be true. If you are repeatedly justifying his/her actions, the relationship becomes built on your rationalizations, rather than the reality. Likelihood is that you are living in your world of false assurances rather than the truth.
When he/she is causing you emotional/physical/verbal hurt.
Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you, no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it is the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.
Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.
When he/she puts little to no effort in the relationship.
Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing your self identity in the process.
Read Also: Are you suffocating your partner?
When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.
For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values are the big rocks, which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.
On the other hand, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is the same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will just slip away against your best efforts.
When neither of you feel the same way about each other.
Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there, it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you don’t know what to do once you break away. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship.
Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an injustice. More importantly, it’s doing you a huge injustice. It’s best for him/her and you to part ways so you can move to better places.
He's leading you on.
The cycle goes a little something like this: He says sweet things that keep you hopeful, but then when you need him the most or ask him to go home for the holidays with you, he's MIA or declines the invite. If this happens once, maybe he has plans. If it happens more than once, you need to hit the eject button. Can't tell if you're being led on? Ask your best friends. They've probably been talking about how Brad has been leading you on for months now.
You've compromised your standards so he fits the description of what you're looking for. If religion is important to you in a relationship, don't throw that out the window just because the guy you're with currently is a dreamboat who hates church. There is a guy out there who is a dreamboat and loves church — or whatever is important to you — just as much as you.
He never takes you on dates, and only invites you over for wine and a movie at his place. You're not dumb. Wine and movie is just another name for Netflix and chill, which is fine once in a while, but if he's pulling it all the time don't waste your time.
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