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She is always comparing me to her ex

18 February 2016, 14:03 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - It is very annoying to date someone that you want them to be there but you already know that they are not there. The worst part is when you are sure of it because they had a slip up or two. Or they keep talking about that one subject every time you are with them-the ex! ‘My ex used to bring me here.’ ‘We used to like doing this together.’ And so on and on and women are usually the culprits.

Even if she is the one that realized that that man was not working out for her, she will always be reminiscing. If you find yourself with such a person, the best advice I will give you is that they are not ready and they do not want you to fix them. They are simply just not ready.

To the people in question the number one rule of dating is if you are constantly looking back and comparing your dates or your current situation to your past then you are not ready for a relationship. You have a lot of healing and questioning to do on yourself and you will not find the answers jumping from one person to the other. You need to do this on your own therefore getting back with the ex has never been the answer by the way. A lot of women will say but there are no good men around or the ones I keep meeting have been worse and that is why I just went back to my past situation but the thing is, ‘did you actually try looking?’

When you keep having one bad relationship to the other, the problem is never with those individual but with you. There is a lot of baggage that you are carrying that you give off while you are dating and that is what the other person will give off as well. Insecurity and deep resentment always shows especially when you keep saying how this group of sex is worthless and you have learnt to accept it. Eventually, that person plays off of that, not because that is who they are but because you have shown that that is what you expect of them.

Resolving the issues that you have with an ex will help you in finding a good relationship because you will be able to move on from that. You sit down and do it by yourself because going back to them and talking it out always ends up with parties horizontal. You look at what went wrong and accept your part if the blame in that relationship. It is never just one person but two. Don’t say but it was always them because I will say but it was always you who chose to stick around and put up with it. That is your share of the blame, accept it. Identify what you want as a man or women in a relationship; don’t go into things and start saying how people do not know how to act anymore. People know how to act and react for what they want; it is what you do and how you do it that will help them make the decision as to whether they want to give it to you.

If you cannot do any of these then you are the reason that your relationships keep failing. You keep chasing away the good people Mr. Right by comparing them to the last person or every last person that was obviously wrong for you. You are not giving the right chance or footing for them to be what you actually want because you are still hang up on the past.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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