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Relationships can’t survive modern rules

11 August 2016, 16:00 Shakila Alivtsa

Nairobi - In a few years’ time, marriage will be like one of those traditions we talk about like it was something that used to be done but has become ‘irrelevant’. Meaning –it will not be that serious.

Relationships keep dying quick deaths. It is so hard for young couples because we are all just confused. It is the very few and far between that can maintain one and it is simply because they are sticking to the old school way of doing things. You will argue about it but you know it is the truth.

These days people no longer come together and discuss how they can do things together because they are too busy figuring out what role should one play when the relationship is equal. Then after that, figure out where each one stands. After that, look it up on the internet and figure out if you have placed yourself correctly or you have allowed gender to cloud your judgment.

If your partner asks you to do something, you ask them whether that is what is done these days because we are no longer in the old era.

I was speaking to a friend and her companion- it was a him. He was talking about how the women’s place is in the kitchen. To put it in his words, ‘It’s the lady who should always cook. Are you trying to tell me that I should go to the kitchen and cook? So what will you be doing. You are even carrying cook books. What are they for?’

At that time I had just done a mini haul of cook books off the streets but you should have seen my face after that statement.

I told him I would boil him water and serve him if he ever were to be my boyfriend and he tells me to go cook for him because that is what I was placed on this earth to do.

I told him how you approach a lady on certain issues is what matters. I know how to cook, I like to cook but if you ever tell me it is your right to demand it from me I will go sleep.

We were already having a tag of war and we barely knew each other. Being a Kenyan man he was not apologetic and stood his ground and I was just like, this is why we date foreigners.

Relationships have become trickier to navigate because we all want to be treated like both genders at the same time but when called on to perform specific duties by the opposite sex, we call it, ‘they don’t know how to play their part as the man / woman in the relationship.’

We are too busy competing with each other to appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses that we compliment. It is no longer about complimenting but, ‘if they can do it, I have to find a way to do it better than them and there on show them that I am better.’

Relationships are not hard but we are hard. No one wants to be the first one to say they are tired and just take a seat. You cannot admit defeat.

There is nothing wrong with demanding what you want from your partner as long as you are agreeable on it. That is how the young couples that are making it work, do it. The push and pull, you will never get anywhere you will constantly be focusing on the smaller issues and that is what breaks most of you up. You have nothing to argue about but you find something to argue about.

If you area man, you are a man. If you are a woman, you are a woman. I know it is totally different when you decide to change it and be something else.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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