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Relationship advice for those 30 and above

15 December 2015, 13:54 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - The twenties are the when you make all the mistakes, find out what you do not like, cannot stand and hopefully by the time you are done with that phase you are all figured out. Like really, if you are thirty and still figuring it out, I have no idea what you were doing with you 20s and you just need to stop. Sounds a bit harsh but none of your girlfriends or sisters will tell you when you are still messing yourself up, so I will.

It is not just about relationships but basically everything; you cannot still be confused. Hopefully, as you are reading this; you have the rest figured out-school, work, career and all that is remaining is the settling down bit. So what do you do? You do not want to waste time because honestly the ovaries do die out and if you want kids you want to kind of rush it.

Number one mistake: Their level of commitment versus your level of commitment

You have a list; but you have been running around going through the list and it has all ended up in smokes over the past year. Someone checks the boxes but are they ready and willing to commit to you. The problem is you keep picking people who are not ready to commit to you as you are ready to commit to them. Most of the time the perfect ideal usually knows that they are just that and they are not in a hurry to be boxed in; so you keep chasing after them hoping they will realize that you have it all figured out as compared to those little girls but you overlook one thing; they want those little girls.

Just look at the men you have been talking to and single the ones who have shown the appropriate and right amount of interest in you and committing to you. Pick those ones out and work it out with them-time saved!

Rule number two: Pick someone thinking the same as you are

You want kids, they want kids. How many do you want? They want the same or you two have reached an agreeable compromise.  You want a certificate; they want a certificate as well. Never ever sit around with someone and tell yourself, let me share this year with them and show them how my cooking skills will change their mind. They can eat at a restaurant, the food is better and they will leave you if you keep on that same track. Pick someone thinking the same as you are with regards to family and relationships and marriage. 

Stop jumping from one man to the next trying to force them into agreeing with what you want. You get a reputation that was not intentional. Pick someone thinking the same as you are.

Rule number three: Know the difference between compromise and compensating in a relationship

You have worked so hard for your career and or business before you finally settled down and look for family. A man tells you I want a stay at home wife yet you will not be happy with that. You pick marriage out of desperation but soon enough you become dissatisfied because you like your work- that is compensating. Compromise is when the two of you sit down and agree on work hours, what takes precedence and what the two of you can work with. Just know the difference because you do not want to rush a decision and be miserable in it. Then start thinking of divorce; so what was it all for?

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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