Relationship advice for those 30 and above
15 December 2015, 13:54
Nairobi - The twenties are the when you make all the mistakes, find
out what you do not like, cannot stand and hopefully by the time you are done
with that phase you are all figured out. Like really, if you are thirty and
still figuring it out, I have no idea what you were doing with you 20s and you
just need to stop. Sounds a bit harsh but none of your girlfriends or sisters
will tell you when you are still messing yourself up, so I will.
It is not just about relationships but basically everything;
you cannot still be confused. Hopefully, as you are reading this; you have the
rest figured out-school, work, career and all that is remaining is the settling
down bit. So what do you do? You do not want to waste time because honestly the
ovaries do die out and if you want kids you want to kind of rush it.
Number one mistake: Their level of commitment versus your
level of commitment
You have a list; but you have been running around going
through the list and it has all ended up in smokes over the past year. Someone
checks the boxes but are they ready and willing to commit to you. The problem
is you keep picking people who are not ready to commit to you as you are ready
to commit to them. Most of the time the perfect ideal usually knows that they
are just that and they are not in a hurry to be boxed in; so you keep chasing
after them hoping they will realize that you have it all figured out as
compared to those little girls but
you overlook one thing; they want those little girls.
Just look at the men you have been talking to and single the
ones who have shown the appropriate and right amount of interest in you and
committing to you. Pick those ones out and work it out with them-time saved!
Rule number two: Pick someone thinking the same as you are
You want kids, they want kids. How many do you want? They
want the same or you two have reached an agreeable compromise. You want a certificate; they want a
certificate as well. Never ever sit around with someone and tell yourself, let
me share this year with them and show them how my cooking skills will change
their mind. They can eat at a restaurant, the food is better and they will
leave you if you keep on that same track. Pick someone thinking the same as you
are with regards to family and relationships and marriage.
Stop jumping from one man to the next trying to force them
into agreeing with what you want. You get a reputation that was not
intentional. Pick someone thinking the same as you are.
Rule number three: Know the difference between compromise
and compensating in a relationship
You have worked so hard for your career and or business
before you finally settled down and look for family. A man tells you I want a
stay at home wife yet you will not be happy with that. You pick marriage out of
desperation but soon enough you become dissatisfied because you like your work-
that is compensating. Compromise is when the two of you sit down and agree on
work hours, what takes precedence and what the two of you can work with. Just
know the difference because you do not want to rush a decision and be miserable
in it. Then start thinking of divorce; so what was it all for?
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