Prepare for Valentines Day heartbreak ladies
03 February 2016, 18:59
Nairobi - When I see Kenyan men clowning on social media on how they
are disappearing on their girlfriends on Valentines, or rather that particular
weekend; I get even more confident with my single status. At least I do not
have to suffer through imaginary surprise dates that I wish would happen when ‘my boyfriend’ has his own agenda in
store for me. Kenyan men don’t joke, trust me; because if a Kenyan man jokes
with you about something, he is not joking. He really is going to do it. They
can’t even lie about work this time because it has boxed them in and fallen on
Some man I was having a certain (I have no idea what to call
it) has disappeared off the surface of the earth. I think he thinks I am
worried about what he will do for me. I can’t wait to show him, just wait until
This is why they are not romantic
You see the reason why Sharon (This is Ess') engagement literally broke
our internet and her site, is because her man sort of just went above and
beyond. This idea of men having elaborate plans on how to get things done
escapes them-quick and efficient is more like it. If you find him on his knees;
he is going to find a way to make her pay for it twice and those are rare and
far in between moments. That is why you rarely if ever see Kenyan women posting
on their sites how her man got on his knees, they just never do!
So forget about your man planning any elaborate Valentine’s
and having roses delivered to you at your rental for the entire plot to see. We
are not going to lie about apartments because majority of Kenyans are still
hustling in plots in not-so suburban areas. Which flower company is delivering
to Kariokor or Umoja! Rongai we have flowers at Maasai Mall. (We are urban
Your man is even happy right now it is on a Sunday. Saturday
he will be at work for good effect. Sunday, a good breakfast or lunch for you
and what do you know? No elaborate plans for the evening because he needs to be
bright and early on Monday for a certain meeting.
All men will be church goers this Sunday and forego Saturday
beer to avoid red eyes. He will not want to miss the church service that runs
from 8-2 this time around. If possible you will even attend Bible study. He
will buy a Bible if you have never seen him with one (it is only 500 shillings
you know). He will wake you up for church and escort you. He will even be happy
to buy you the plastic roses form the vendors that will be at church when you
leave. Do you know how cost effective this Valentine is? No road trips and weekend away at some get
away. You need to make it to work!
Dating in Kenya as a lady is technically like you are single.
You have to keep talking about something in
order for it to get into your man’s head. Women in relationships have been
buzzing since January and giving subtle hints so that her man does not forget.
If you get lucky, you would rather he even just gave you a gift card and sort
everything out yourself-that is the best case scenario. And by the time you get
near your man’s wallet; you have given a blowjob a whole week, worn lingerie,
been a housewife a whole month and batted your eyelashes every time he calls
you. He just has to feel that love otherwise; you are not going anywhere. If
you have not done any.
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