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My man is confused

14 March 2016, 20:09 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - And when I say your man, I use the term lightly because we both know he is not yet yours but you would really like him to be.

Let’s just consider this for a second, most of the time, when a lady assumes a man is hers we have to consider that the lady might fall in one of these two categories. There is the one that was informed categorically that he was not interested or she already knows but is trying to change his mind; in which case, this is not advice meant for you. Then there is the other lady whom the man has been doing all boyfriend / husband related activities with her but is yet to give her a title. In the latter case, you may consider the following and if you have been dating or have been in a relationship and now ready for marriage; you will know the appropriate way to approach your beau about the subject.

If you have to keep asking people about him and what he might do then you really don’t know the man in which case, you should reconsider whether you are ready for what you are asking for.

Just put him on the spot about it

The answer will always be no as long as you never ask. A lot of women are afraid of confrontation with a man because they are more afraid of being dumped or the situation blowing back on them. Truth of the matter is; if a man dumps you because you are asking for an answer then that is a situation you have just saved yourself from. If you tiptoe early in the relationship, be ready to tiptoe on every matter that follows after because he will always know that with you there are never any boundaries set for him.

You will either get a man that is ready to give you the wife or girlfriend title or you will get the boot. At the end of the day, you have just saved yourself from wasting time.

You cannot be passive and mum, you have to go get what you want by dropping the right cues and suggestions

The way I see it, a man always shows you what you are to him the minute you start opening your mouth the right or wrong way where he is concerned.

‘I want to be the mother of your children.’ ‘I want to raise a family with you.’ ‘I want to do this or that for you.’ If a man gives you a side-eye and is mum after you say all this. You have to consider that you might just not be his potential wife or girlfriend. If he darts that conversation with you, then you are wasting your time. You would rather move on and if the man wants you he will look for you than get the surprise of a lifetime when he introduces you to the one he wants.

On the other hand, if he is responsive to your suggestions you will know that when you want to be more, you can ask him without fear of a negative answer.


Trying to use other people to force your man’s hand

Someone will lie to you that since you know the sister and mother and they like you better than his ex, you use them to make your man ’do right by you’. Let me warn you, you will the one to blame if after you get what you want, your relationship is a square or triangle. That means that nothing ever gets done without other people being included. They will always have a say in your relationship. And if ever you have a problem, it will get to a point he will easily tell them, you were their choice and not his so he will not want anything solved just between the two of you but with them. At times thinking you are smart gets you nowhere other than you eating your own crap. It never tastes nice, trust me!

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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