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My friends need to divorce but they can't

20 April 2016, 19:42 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I know a couple; I actually went to visit them this past weekend and stayed over for the night. You know those relationships where people know or they are still not sure if it is over but they are fighting to keep it together because they do not want to be ‘those people’? That type of relationship. The following morning, we are having breakfast. The lady had come back with some bananas from her rural place. The man being really old school decides instead of having the usual town breakfast of tea and break; he does not ask anyone to prepare the bananas but does it himself. So while they are cooking, they are taking too long like it was over an hour already.

The youngest child goes to check on them and she is also baffled as to why they are not cooking until the lady asks them from which batch he had cooked from. Turns out some of those bananas were sweet bananas but they had just not yet ripened. She starts shouting the whole house down because the man cooked from the wrong batch and asking out loud how someone could be so stupid. The man had gone to get dressed to leave for work so you can imagine in the living room we are all giving her a unified look of, ‘It was an honest mistake.’  Even I can admit to you guys like I could not tell the difference. They were all green and if you are brought up in Nairobi you know that if a banana is green, it needs some cooking. So we were all trying to tell her, ‘Cool down. Calm down, it is just bananas and it was an honest mistake. Even we cannot tell.’ Worst part is the children were as well. She continues berating the man, he shows up in the living room and I really felt bad for the man, he just looked so defeated. It was like he was trying for once, just early in the morning to start a day on a good note. By preparing breakfast and it seems he could not get that one right either.

Just for that second, I realized the reason that so many people get to a point and decide, we did our best and now we are done. Why continue living with someone or something that makes you feel that bad every day for the rest of your life? Their marriage has been on the rocks for two years now but they are trying to keep it together, not even for the kids because they are grown up but because they are old. Who wants to start running around again when you get to a certain age? You just want to relax but theirs seems not to be working out.

The man looked so tired and he was also embarrassed because the kids were also there. Can you imagine living with someone you can no longer please? Living with someone who no longer cares whether they show you respect or disrespect especially in front of the ones that matter? Imagine looking into someone else’s face every day and them, making you feel like you are a failure. Imagine that subject you took because you had to, and you already knew it was not going to be good but you still sat and took the test. You are hoping just for once, the results would be better this time by some stroke of luck but as usual, you get a D again. Now imagine that being your spouse, every single day of your life; them giving you that feeling and you having to live with it.

You are starting to understand why people get tired. That is why for any young marriage and for any young couple, you are asked; ‘Take out the love, do you still like that person?’ You would not want to hurt or see hurt in the face of someone you like, no matter what they did to you.

Do you still like your boyfriend/girlfriend; your fiancé/ fiancée; because if you do not, the above scenario could be yours just as easily? Maybe not because you boiled the wrong bananas but something else and you do not want to be that one at 50 wondering if maybe they were the wrong choice for you.

Maybe you are like the above couple and after the children leave you are starting to see that this person is no longer what you want. Now what do you do? Do you make their life harder? That is not mature. You would rather talk to someone so that they know where your head is because someone is just trying to have some tea and you make them choke with those nasty looks. Now they are not even sure if you are trying to poison them. Leave the passive aggressive behavior for the young ones, you are old at least try to have an open conversation with someone. You never know, they might agree with you.

You might not even need that entire circus that is involved with courts and divorce papers. Old people are excused for being cantankerous. No one will blink an eye if the both of you come to an amicable agreement but don’t make someone feel less about themselves and in front of their children because the love is no longer there.


- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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