Marriage habits that you need to practise before you actually walk down the aisle
07 June 2016, 16:40
Nairobi - You have probably heard the phrase about
people, namely the men or women, not wanting to buy the cows or the pigs if
they are already getting the milk…and sausages for free and without the hustle.
The phrase can be interpreted or
misinterpreted in a lot of ways. Obviously no one wants to do something for the
other and be taken for granted-which is a point for that phrase. But there is
also a point against that phrase as well; people being selfish in their
relationships. Hence the reason why we have such poor examples of married
couples, everyday divorces and people who generally have no idea of what they
Most people have no idea of what marriage
is actually about because they choose to borrow a leaf from that phrase.
to take responsibility
The blame game is the reason why a lot of
marriages and relationships do not do well. Everybody wants to point a finger
but no one wants to own that they probably had a part in whatever happens. ‘I
am sad because you do not do this’ , ‘we are here because you are not like
this…’It is always you, you, you and never I. You will never resolve anything
and have a healthy relationship as long as one of you feels like they are always
carrying the burden or responsibility for everything in that relationship.
Even if your spouse is a horrible person,
you need to learn to say, ‘I chose this, so it is partly my fault.’ You never
went in with your eyes blind.
Know your part in a relationship as well
because you do not want someone else stepping in to do what you will not do. Do
not be used but know how to be there for your partner.
you cannot say good things about them now, then what happens when you marry?
Maybe you want to have the juiciest gossip,
or be able to come together with your people to trade tales. Tearing someone
down, especially in public and they know about it is already setting a bad tone
for your marriage. That is trust already ruined.
to express yourself, every day that you are in a relationship
You know while you ate and while you are
waiting to nub someone, a lot of couples do pretend. It is like you think that
when you eventually get that union that you want, you will now put your foot
down and have your say. It does not work that way. Poor communication is
usually the road for disaster in every aspect of an unhealthy relationship. It
extends itself in disagreements, discussions, opinion…everything. If you are
not working on your communications right now, you are already doing it wrong.
your relationship first
I am not saying be dependent on it but what
that means is that; you cannot go outside before you try from withing. You put
your partner first and then everybody else comes in. Not the other way around.
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