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Looking for a man... Past 50

02 March 2016, 13:03 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I know someone; a very mature someone-a lady in fact and when I say mature, I mean 50s mature. She wants to start dating again because life is yawning before her. You would think 50 is old but it is actually not, especially if you are an African who eats well (those funny Luhya vegetables) and tries to work out. Her mother is still around and she is clocking 80 or more, so when I say she is seeing life yawning before her that is because it is sort of true in her case. The women do not die or age in this family. What she wants in her old age is companionship because she is starting to realize that the kids are already leaving to go live their own lives and she is soon to be left alone.

Who wants to be left in a big empty house where you can practically hear the bugs crawling? So I sat down with her and asked her what she really wants.

‘I want someone I can go out with when I have nothing to do or when I am bored but when it is all said and done; I go back home and he does so as well. That’s it. No extra funny business. I had a husband and I am done being a wife to anyone!’

So I asked, ’basically you want a relationship that is not a relationship. You want someone to be committed to you but not expect much from you.’ She said yes very excitedly and I was like, ‘Then get ready to be beaten by wives that have been left back at home because any man that agrees to such an arrangement from you is basically hiding something or rather someone.’

Obviously she does not want drama in her old age of women looking for her or while she is out on a date someone storming in with chaos and a lot of embarrassment. So she asks me, what do I want; because I really want someone to spend the rest of my life with?’

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I told her there is never a shortage of men, men are there if you just go out there and mingle but what you want is a widower; someone who is aged as you are because you do not want to deal with young boys.  Even I with my tender years shy off of young men and it is because I know of their Tomfoolery. You do not want someone young but someone as old as you. Someone who has experienced life already as you have and just wants to settle down because they are done.

Someone like that, already has a family hopefully, because if they don’t, you should smell a rat. It is rare to find someone good that no one ever tried to trap. Unless due to religious decisions like the Opus Dei, otherwise, the good men have baggage that comes in the form of children from relationship (s) they had before.

The problem that comes in with dating someone that already was married, with kids but now a widower is the number of people that run interference with his life. I do not advocate for secrecy in relationships because if this woman wants to hide him and he agrees, then he is hiding something far worse-like he is not actually a widower.

I told her she cannot expect a man that will just want to while away his time and ‘hook-up’ like he is still young and carefree. He will want to know that the relationship is not just a waste of time. That is how you know he is a good man. Furthermore, he will not want to hide you. She does not want to meet family and relations but that is the downside-an addition of people to interfere with your lives and give you a migraine. Worst case scenario is when they give her a hard time because most families are not open minded. They still want to assume you are now as dead as the buried spouse. They forget that after they leave and go to their families, they leave this other person alone and that is not natural. You can very weird thoughts when you are lonely.

She did not want to leave her house. I told her she might have to if the relationship gets serious. Not to sell it though but it will be her house, where she can go back to. I warned her not to fall for the conman that will tell you, ‘It is okay darling. Let me just move in with you, to your house!’ That is not a good man because you are trying to avoid people who just want to use you or wait until you knock off. You do not want someone that is coming to be a leech.

The thing with dating a widower is, as long as his family does not give you a hard time, then you are good to go. But if you find someone and their family keeps being a hindrance, then leave him be because they will not stop and give you piece. They will make you age faster.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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