Looking for a man... Past 50
02 March 2016, 13:03
Nairobi - I know someone; a very mature someone-a lady in fact and
when I say mature, I mean 50s mature. She wants to start dating again because
life is yawning before her. You would think 50 is old but it is actually not,
especially if you are an African who eats well (those funny Luhya vegetables)
and tries to work out. Her mother is
still around and she is clocking 80 or more, so when I say she is seeing life
yawning before her that is because it is sort of true in her case. The women do
not die or age in this family. What she wants in her old age is companionship
because she is starting to realize that the kids are already leaving to go live
their own lives and she is soon to be left alone.
Who wants to be left in a big empty house where you can
practically hear the bugs crawling? So I sat down with her and asked her what
she really wants.
‘I want someone I can go out with when I have nothing to do
or when I am bored but when it is all said and done; I go back home and he does
so as well. That’s it. No extra funny business. I had a husband and I am done
being a wife to anyone!’
So I asked, ’basically you want a relationship that is not a
relationship. You want someone to be committed to you but not expect much from
you.’ She said yes very excitedly and I was like, ‘Then get ready to be beaten
by wives that have been left back at home because any man that agrees to such
an arrangement from you is basically hiding something or rather someone.’
Obviously she does not want drama in her old age of women
looking for her or while she is out on a date someone storming in with chaos
and a lot of embarrassment. So she asks me, what do I want; because I really
want someone to spend the rest of my life with?’
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I told her there is never a shortage of men, men are there
if you just go out there and mingle but what you want is a widower; someone who
is aged as you are because you do not want to deal with young boys. Even I with my tender years shy off of young
men and it is because I know of their Tomfoolery. You do not want someone young
but someone as old as you. Someone who has experienced life already as you have
and just wants to settle down because they are done.
Someone like that, already has a family hopefully, because
if they don’t, you should smell a rat. It is rare to find someone good that no
one ever tried to trap. Unless due to religious decisions like the Opus Dei,
otherwise, the good men have baggage that comes in the form of children from
relationship (s) they had before.
The problem that comes in with dating someone that already
was married, with kids but now a widower is the number of people that run
interference with his life. I do not advocate for secrecy in relationships
because if this woman wants to hide him and he agrees, then he is hiding
something far worse-like he is not actually a widower.
I told her she cannot expect a man that will just want to
while away his time and ‘hook-up’ like he is still young and carefree. He will
want to know that the relationship is not just a waste of time. That is how you
know he is a good man. Furthermore, he will not want to hide you. She does not
want to meet family and relations but that is the downside-an addition of
people to interfere with your lives and give you a migraine. Worst case
scenario is when they give her a hard time because most families are not open
minded. They still want to assume you are now as dead as the buried spouse.
They forget that after they leave and go to their families, they leave this
other person alone and that is not natural. You can very weird thoughts when
you are lonely.
She did not want to leave her house. I told her she might
have to if the relationship gets serious. Not to sell it though but it will be
her house, where she can go back to. I warned her not to fall for the conman
that will tell you, ‘It is okay darling. Let me just move in with you, to your
house!’ That is not a good man because you are trying to avoid people who just
want to use you or wait until you knock off. You do not want someone that is
coming to be a leech.
The thing with dating a widower is, as long as his family
does not give you a hard time, then you are good to go. But if you find someone
and their family keeps being a hindrance, then leave him be because they will
not stop and give you piece. They will make you age faster.
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