Letting a man off easily without harming the ego
26 May 2016, 13:38
Nairobi - Men are such sensitive people. Normally we
think women are soft but I think it is just the brawn that we don’t have
otherwise, men are the sensitive ones.
Yesterday someone’s houseboy left the house
and came to declare their undying adoration. I could not keep a straight face
for more than a second. I thought he was hilarious. You are wondering where he
found me. I was outside and I see him coming so I assume he has some important
news he is coming to tell me or there is a community meeting that we needed to
attend; only for him to break into that Pwani Swahili and say what he needed to
I was laughing so hard only to notice that
he would look like he was about to cry every time I did it. So I had to stop
because I knew it was a defining moment for him. I had been thinking he was
making jokes or something. You know at times there are many ways you can break
a person. You do something, but you don’t think of the consequences like most
women would do and even some men. It does not even have to be with words. I
wanted to tell him, ‘…you know you are a houseboy.’ The guy would leave their
hating himself and what he had to do to feed himself. At least he is not in the
street trying to rob someone, so I knew I could not say that.
Also he had approached me I could easily do
irreparable damage and make him hate all women, avoid women or have something
bad to say. I did not want to damage him for the next woman so I had to find a
way to go about this gently.
You also can’t go around being mean to
people because that is when karma gets you when you need help and they are the
only ones that can give it. He lives right outside my house, one day I might be
getting attacked and he is the only one around to help.
So I did the only thing I could think of at
that moment, I got myself an imaginary boyfriend and an imaginary relationship.
I searched my mind for something I could say and that was the only thing could
think of that would be a win-win situation; not hurt his feelings and put him
on breaks as well.
I respected him though, I could have easily
been a snob but he ignored that and just came and talked to me. He also had
determination because even after finding I have a ‘boyfriend’ he still wanted
the number. I had to draw the line there though because what type of
conversation would we have?
Anyway, women, those egos are fragile. You
need to know how to tiptoe around it especially if someone is not a bad person
and they have never done anything bad to you. Some of you have walked away from
relationships and people not knowing you destroyed them for other people. It
might be in the way you spoke to someone, the way you ‘used’ them (does not
matter if they allowed it because in the end you did it) or the way you ended
Vile comparisons or putting down someone’s
standard of living-it does not matter if you agree with it but you cannot make
someone feel bad about what they are able to do. They can always choose to rob
you but they don’t.
Just one moment with a woman that a man
admires can change his way of living and doing things. That guy will go and
replay your words and will move heaven and earth to prove you wrong. You do not
want to be that defining moment especially if you were cruel.
Let a person off easy and move on with your
life if you don’t want them in it but you don’t have to be a bad person while
you go about it. Trust me; it always gets back to you; mostly in the form of
the one you also want now doing the same to you.
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