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Letting a man off easily without harming the ego

26 May 2016, 13:38 Shakilia Alivitsa

Nairobi - Men are such sensitive people. Normally we think women are soft but I think it is just the brawn that we don’t have otherwise, men are the sensitive ones.

Yesterday someone’s houseboy left the house and came to declare their undying adoration. I could not keep a straight face for more than a second. I thought he was hilarious. You are wondering where he found me. I was outside and I see him coming so I assume he has some important news he is coming to tell me or there is a community meeting that we needed to attend; only for him to break into that Pwani Swahili and say what he needed to say.

I was laughing so hard only to notice that he would look like he was about to cry every time I did it. So I had to stop because I knew it was a defining moment for him. I had been thinking he was making jokes or something. You know at times there are many ways you can break a person. You do something, but you don’t think of the consequences like most women would do and even some men. It does not even have to be with words. I wanted to tell him, ‘…you know you are a houseboy.’ The guy would leave their hating himself and what he had to do to feed himself. At least he is not in the street trying to rob someone, so I knew I could not say that.

Also he had approached me I could easily do irreparable damage and make him hate all women, avoid women or have something bad to say. I did not want to damage him for the next woman so I had to find a way to go about this gently.

You also can’t go around being mean to people because that is when karma gets you when you need help and they are the only ones that can give it. He lives right outside my house, one day I might be getting attacked and he is the only one around to help.

So I did the only thing I could think of at that moment, I got myself an imaginary boyfriend and an imaginary relationship. I searched my mind for something I could say and that was the only thing could think of that would be a win-win situation; not hurt his feelings and put him on breaks as well.

I respected him though, I could have easily been a snob but he ignored that and just came and talked to me. He also had determination because even after finding I have a ‘boyfriend’ he still wanted the number. I had to draw the line there though because what type of conversation would we have?

Anyway, women, those egos are fragile. You need to know how to tiptoe around it especially if someone is not a bad person and they have never done anything bad to you. Some of you have walked away from relationships and people not knowing you destroyed them for other people. It might be in the way you spoke to someone, the way you ‘used’ them (does not matter if they allowed it because in the end you did it) or the way you ended the situation.

Vile comparisons or putting down someone’s standard of living-it does not matter if you agree with it but you cannot make someone feel bad about what they are able to do. They can always choose to rob you but they don’t.

Just one moment with a woman that a man admires can change his way of living and doing things. That guy will go and replay your words and will move heaven and earth to prove you wrong. You do not want to be that defining moment especially if you were cruel.

Let a person off easy and move on with your life if you don’t want them in it but you don’t have to be a bad person while you go about it. Trust me; it always gets back to you; mostly in the form of the one you also want now doing the same to you.


- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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