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Ladies! Tell your man what you want

05 February 2016, 13:03 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - A lot of marriages and/or relationships these days do not work out when they could have just as easily worked out if given the 50% chance. Most of us go into relationships with the expectation that it will not work out so we end up constantly looking for mistakes and problems to prove to ourselves that we were right and that person was totally wrong for us.

No person will be right for you because everyone is different but what we all need is a partner who is able to show us what they want from us. Not expecting us to read their minds. Silent treatment when there is a misstep will not make someone think what they did wrong, they could also be thinking what have they missed-an anniversary or a Valentine? (By the way, Nairobi men you really lucky this time around in terms of  Valentine, not only is it on a church day but there is also Nairobi Restaurant Week; good food at really affordable prices in really amazing hotels.)

Most Kenyan women are constantly complaining how the Kenyan men are no longer good enough, don’t know how to be men and they are a constant disappoint. It is cool to think you can swoop in and just find a man ready made for you to take over but at times rough around the edges can become better.  Don’t forget that most men grew up in single parent home just like you did but for most of you at least an aunt here or your mum taught you how to cook and what was expected. For most men they either grew up with the mum and no man to show them or a father who was barely there.

So he really won’t know how to treat you if you do not show him what you want or expect. I am not saying go after someone’s money and have really high demands; I am talking about what you want from your future husband or boyfriend. Do you want someone who spends a weeknight with you taking about you day as you go home. Or do you want someone that reserves at least some Sundays to take you to church. How do you expect your husband to lead in your home? If you are constantly berating and quarrelsome, he will never have the confidence to do so. He will just let you be because you have always walked all over him in the relationship. You took over the role without being aware.

If you do not want a drunkard for a partner then you had better act on it now and let it be known. They can change or choose to leave you because at least you knew what you wanted, made it known and tried. The problem comes in when women would rather go and complain to outside parties like friends and say they are just surviving the relationship. If you want a provider in the future then ask for it now and let him know what you expect of your husband. That way he knows school fees is on him when he can while you do something else. Don’t complain about it later when you let him get away with things. A man will take every opportunity possible to get away with anything he feels like.

You also best forget that your man will walk up to you he has any idea of whatever he is doing; so if you are also not sure of what you want from a man-then you should probably rethink the decision of chasing after one. That way you do not have to keep through relationships berating someone and making them feel like they are no good. Some are good but they are just feeling out their markers as they are going along.

What does this mean? If he has been keeping the wrong company, with wrong women; you will have a slightly rough time. If they just took up anything he dished out, he will not expect difference in you.

On the other hand, if he has been with the right type of women, then you might have a better time than most and even maybe step up yourself. Dating just never works the same for everyone; you just have to know what you want and what you expect.

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- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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