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Ladies.... Not all men are gold

29 December 2015, 19:10 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Not just with men but with any relationship or situation. Take a step back from it if you have to keep pushing yourself and working yourself hard to make it work. Wishing and hoping is good but when it keeps giving you the wrong results then you have to back away from it for it to fall into the space you have left if it wants to.

I have told this story countless times but not how it started. It is the jail man story: I was initially seeing him but he was not giving me what I wanted. I would have to rush myself to go see him, and he had this idea that dating and taking time is old school but what you need to do is directly go to the house and get it on. And he was stingy; which is a sticky point for me. Not that I want your money, I just like the idea of it being available. In my way of thinking; I would rather decline rather than get to a point of begging. Anyway, I was at home one time doing some thinking and realized that enough was enough. So I just sent a message asking him not to contact me again because I was done.

He did not say anything other than goodnight which proved to me what I wanted to know and I forgot about him. Then the next time I hear from him over a month later is to ask me for money to bail himself out of jail. See, wrong man definitely wrong man for me and taking a step back took me away from a potentially bad situation, unplanned pregnancy with the wrong man and a bad future with a horrible husband.

That is what women need to learn, not that your situation or your man is bad but you need to allow him the space to date you rather than you chasing for it or rushing it.

You are worried that if you do not text or call or ask and plan a date then he will forget about you or continue talking to his other women. If a man is really interested in dating you, he will not forget, it might not be at your pace but give him the space to realize and let it sink in for him that he is ready for you; even if he calls you a week later. It is alright.

If he forgets or does not contact you then that should prove to you that his interest in you or any relationship with you was not that deep for him. Women never understand that at times they place themselves in the bad situations they are in. You chased the relationship, now you are in it and now you have to keep chasing the man-throughout! Wait for the man who will be interested, call you without you having to force a conversation and take you on a date when he is ready. He will choose you every day because you did not have to force it or force him.

Live your life as you did before; let him be just another stranger who said hi. Don’t stalk his social media, comment on every one of his posts and asking if he is available. You are making the rubber band between the two of you lax and have you ever seen a lax rubber band hold anything? No! You have to pull it-that is the space- and when it snaps back it holds properly. Try that for a change and if it does not work, then you can go back to your methods.

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- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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