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Ladies: Are you dating a boy or a man?

10 December 2015, 19:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - 

It is quite easy to tell really. If you were just honest with yourself when it comes to the relationships you pick, you will realize that some of these men you were pining for were just boys who had a lot of growing up to do. You are busy pining for an ideal and not someone who actually existed. You can easily do without him, just by re-evaluating what you are doing with him and what he is doing with you.

A boy is afraid of commitment while a man is not

Let me first start by saying, all men are not busy trying to get committed to someone. It is just a matter of him knowing what he wants, being ready for it and when it presents itself, he is not afraid to commit to it (her). The popular variety on the other hand are afraid of commitment because they see it as an end to their adventures in terms of the many more they could have and they would miss if they settled down into a relationship with you. You do not want that stress in your life; if he cannot see what he is getting, let him go and look for someone that will appreciate being with you. You are here trying to prove your worth to him, but if he is not ready, that will not change his mind.

How responsible he is for himself

A lot of women are yet to learn how not to be a man’s mother. Women are thirsty of the feeling of being needed but you ruin a man’s perception of you in his life if all you are ever doing is trying to sort out his messes. Let a man learn to take care of himself then come look for you if you are what he wants but if what you are always doing is being his fixer, do not be angry when he settles for a women who stands her ground and draws the line. You made the mistake of being his mother; you will only ever have that slot while he keeps looking.

Boy keeps looking for his potential, a man already knows it and does not need your help working towards it

You know we had to talk about women dating potential. It is that thirst for wanting to be needed and being the woman that was there when he had nothing but please do learn to spot the difference. You can drag a cow to the river but you cannot force it to drink. It will drink if it was thirsty enough. Some women will carry the cow if they had to bankrupt themselves to buy a truck to carry it to the river. She will drag the cow from the truck to the river, then dunk it in the river to drink because it is looking clueless and then drag it back out of the water. She is laboring intensely after that whole exercise and she will still not be done. Exhaustion much? Don’t cry foul when he eventually figures his life out, you were busy being a mother and he does not want that image at the back of his mind every time he looks at you. Or arguments with you are already playing out in his head, ‘’But you were nothing when I first met you!’ He wants a woman who thinks he walks on gold not that one that saw him being an idiot.

Loyalty to the wrong person

In any relationship, loyalty is a very important thing.  Be loyal but don’t be loyal to anyone. I once read a story about a pet snake though I do not remember where. It is very hilarious. It was a python and it suddenly stopped eating. The owner tried everything and she just gave up and took it to the vet. The vet checks it and he asks her, ‘has it been lying with you in bed and curving itself around you?’ the woman says yes. Apparently it was her way of ‘comforting’ the snake. The doctor gives her a frank look and tells her the snake stopped eating because it was preparing itself to eat her. It will need a lot of room for that and for digestion. It has been snuggling real close to you because it is measuring you out and figuring out if it will be able to take the whole lot of you in her and how large it has to be for that.

You are with this man who is not sure of himself or his life, you are giving him money to figure out a business and he keeps gambling and doing weird pyramid schemes. When that snake finally eats you up, don’t cry or be angry at him, no man has ever said no to freely offered help in terms of money and bills. You chose that for yourself when you could have easily gone for another man.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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