Just because your marriage is sacred does it mean that it is safe
01 August 2016, 18:55
Nairobi - As much as I tout a lot about commitment and make it through thick and thin, some marriages are not meant to reach the capacity of bad leave alone worse.
Before you get to that point where you are actually choosing to marry someone or settle down with them, I have always said; look out for their character. We tend to look at the shallow things like, happiness, one time sadness, were they there for us (always happens to be just the right time that convinces you they are the one) or have they cheated and leave out key factors.
That one time that your partner got so angry, you had never seen them like that before and they erred towards violence. But they apologized and it never happened again. Just because you are told to forgive and forget does not mean you choose to completely forget that one time incident is the true revelation of what your partner deals with and tries to hid.
We all have that.
That one or two or more bad things that we struggle with that we hide and camouflage to make ourselves not look as bad. Maybe alcoholism, addiction, violence or a very bad temper.
A very bad temper is the reason I am writing this article. Many people overlook it because it rarely ends up in a bad place.
But we need to talk about this because lately, there has been an insurgence of relationship crimes in Kenya.
‘You ate my food.’ Let me chop off your head.
‘You have another boyfriend or girlfriend.’ Let me kill you/ gun you down
‘I am tired of the marriage.’ Let me hire some thugs to finish you and the latest crime that I have just read about.
A husband chopped off his wives hands because they could not have kids, twist of the tale is that, the doctors told him it was him and not her so he should medicate but he chose to chop off her hands.
At this point, I am confused, first, why the hands and second, how has that helped his seed and what did the wife do?
It is cases like this when I am dating a man my girl will tell me, it could be worse, or he says, that his temper is not that bad. He will tell me, ‘You just want a man you can sit on.’ Just because you bark loudest does not mean I listen better.
When you see a bad temper, you better run the opposite direction and when you see an over possessive lover, that is not passion or true love- that is deadly love. Do not wait to find out. Some of the people you date should never even know where you live until they pass the test. They are the people that waylay you when you say no and do damage.
If you are already married to the person and you see you can clearly not keep up, don’t wait for it. At times, a warning only comes once. At times, forever is rarely happily ever after because once you are gone that’s it. There is nothing like karma, you still leave people behind and soon, they forget. Even about your kids. They will help two days and get tired the next. It is better to rebuild than leave people wondering what ‘if’. Some people are not meant to be in a relationship with anyone. Period! Please, don’t sacrifice yourself.
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