Is your husband going through a phase
23 May 2016, 17:04
Nairobi - There is a phase, and then there is a phase.
A phase, is Happy tear gas Monday in Kenya,
we cannot all wait for the drama today. It was getting kind of boring.
is when you are not sure if it will ever end.
Do you know why some women run away from
marriage? It is not because they are a bunch of man-haters. They do not think
they are too good for you, okay that’s a lie, most of the time we actually are
and think we are too good for you. It is not that they have a problem with
marriage but we have a problem with the phase.
Even I am worried about the phase and
I am not even married.
Someone can just look like they are okay,
they are happy and you are all doing great. You might have your occasional bad
times but you do get over them (hopefully) then one day he is just moody. No
one has done anything wrong.
And now you know you have a problem. If he
buys a car or just plays with his money, you are okay. You have no idea how
lucky you are. That ‘beauty’ as he
calls it is your lucky charm. Just let him have it, if he can afford it that
is. If he is spending fees, then you slap him after a week and ask him to take
The worst problem is when your husband does
not want cars but women. When your husband does not get a hobby or a car, you
have a problem and you know it when it comes up during the phase.
It will work like Tear Gas Monday in Kenya,
over and over and over again. You will not be sure of when it will stop. The
worst part is when he decides to go Kenyan and marry them. He likes this one,
tomorrow he is bored, he likes the other one and so when he gets bored being
married to this one, that he has hidden from you, he marries the other one
until you all surprise yourselves at the funeral.
I will not lie to you; I have no solution
because that is how the phase works. You cannot police a man. Most of the time
wives lie to themselves about that, thinking yapping when he gets home and
going through his phone and everything will dilute the situation. It does not.
If anything it aggravates it. You will go mad trying to figure out what he is
It will be painful watching the man you
once loved start acting differently towards you. That is why I advocate for
affection and respect more in relationships as compared to love. When you both
have the former, he will go out of his way not to disrespect you or hurt you
but love? Love is very fickle my dears don’t look for that more and ignore the
other two. You will suffer throughout
the whole marriage.
If your ‘boyfriend is showing symptoms of the phase even while you are dating, you
have a decision to make. It is either you leave that guy alone or allow
yourself to have to deal with that throughout your whole relationship and
marriage. Yours will be eternal.
The phase makes you make hard decisions
that are not even about you. You stick it out because you are now old and have
no time to start jumping around from here to there. You just put on a façade
for the kids because you know there are all those years you are not about to
give up- for some of you.
But if he is disrespectful and mean towards
you then I will tell you, you have no time for that. Leave and go have a peace
of mind. You cannot die trying to force someone to like you. Old age is about
knowing you are about to go to the grave so the only feelings you have time for
should be happy feelings. Being mad, being sad, being anxious are not things
you should entertain.
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