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Is your husband going through a phase

23 May 2016, 17:04 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There is a phase, and then there is a phase.

A phase, is Happy tear gas Monday in Kenya, we cannot all wait for the drama today. It was getting kind of boring.

A phase is when you are not sure if it will ever end.

Do you know why some women run away from marriage? It is not because they are a bunch of man-haters. They do not think they are too good for you, okay that’s a lie, most of the time we actually are and think we are too good for you. It is not that they have a problem with marriage but we have a problem with the phase. Even I am worried about the phase and I am not even married.

Someone can just look like they are okay, they are happy and you are all doing great. You might have your occasional bad times but you do get over them (hopefully) then one day he is just moody. No one has done anything wrong.

And now you know you have a problem. If he buys a car or just plays with his money, you are okay. You have no idea how lucky you are. That ‘beauty’ as he calls it is your lucky charm. Just let him have it, if he can afford it that is. If he is spending fees, then you slap him after a week and ask him to take it back.

The worst problem is when your husband does not want cars but women. When your husband does not get a hobby or a car, you have a problem and you know it when it comes up during the phase.

It will work like Tear Gas Monday in Kenya, over and over and over again. You will not be sure of when it will stop. The worst part is when he decides to go Kenyan and marry them. He likes this one, tomorrow he is bored, he likes the other one and so when he gets bored being married to this one, that he has hidden from you, he marries the other one until you all surprise yourselves at the funeral.

I will not lie to you; I have no solution because that is how the phase works. You cannot police a man. Most of the time wives lie to themselves about that, thinking yapping when he gets home and going through his phone and everything will dilute the situation. It does not. If anything it aggravates it. You will go mad trying to figure out what he is up to.

It will be painful watching the man you once loved start acting differently towards you. That is why I advocate for affection and respect more in relationships as compared to love. When you both have the former, he will go out of his way not to disrespect you or hurt you but love? Love is very fickle my dears don’t look for that more and ignore the other two.  You will suffer throughout the whole marriage.

If your ‘boyfriend is showing symptoms of the phase even while you are dating, you have a decision to make. It is either you leave that guy alone or allow yourself to have to deal with that throughout your whole relationship and marriage. Yours will be eternal.

The phase makes you make hard decisions that are not even about you. You stick it out because you are now old and have no time to start jumping around from here to there. You just put on a façade for the kids because you know there are all those years you are not about to give up- for some of you.

But if he is disrespectful and mean towards you then I will tell you, you have no time for that. Leave and go have a peace of mind. You cannot die trying to force someone to like you. Old age is about knowing you are about to go to the grave so the only feelings you have time for should be happy feelings. Being mad, being sad, being anxious are not things you should entertain.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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