Is there really forgiveness in relationships?
23 February 2016, 17:23
Nairobi - I will be honest with you and tell you, where this issue is
concerned, it is always a grey matter. It is never a matter of black or white;
that is why it is an issue for a lot of couples.
What your partner will greatly consider is the offense and
how important that matter was to them, then you will really know if they
actually ever really forgave you.
The offense is what will determine whether your partner has
forgiven you or they are still holding grudges. Think back to the promises you
made to each other, even whilst courting. Most people never actually listen
because your mind is usually elsewhere.
Your obviously know a bit of history from your partner. They
tell you this is what they cannot stand, they will tell you what they will
never be able to tolerate and what they do not want you to ever do to them.
Maybe from watching it happen to their own parents, or relative. You have to
keep your ears really open for this one because this is the one that people
rarely ever forgive. You are re-introducing a cycle they swore never to be a
part of but you do it to them and force it onto them. Maybe by becoming abusive
or cheating or being a pathological liar (my mother likes this word-it is very amusing
when she says it).
When your partner lets you know about those things that they
cannot stand or ever forgive, do your best and never do them because the moment
they find out that you did it destroys a certain trust between the two of you.
It will be very hard for you to regain.
We are always told to do a background check on the
relationships our current spouses had and it is not because we want to judge
ourselves against them but because you need to know why it ended and how
important it was. If they were wronged, you do not want to be the one to repeat
that mistake. Trust me; you will never be able to get back from it. No matter
how much of a scum you are not, compared to the last one, you now are! Don’t
repeat the same offense as an ex, it is harder to forgive.
Remember your vows and the promises you made to each other.
Do not create room for them to think of payback because if you promised not to
do a certain thing, then do it. They will start overlooking their part of the
bargain. Sound petty but that is how most couples deal with heartbreak and
disappointment; by getting points of each other.
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