Is it a taboo for a woman to remain unmarried?
30 March 2016, 21:24
Nairobi - Yesterday I was talking to a certain lady friend and she was
reminiscing. It came as a surprise to me when she confessed that her plan was
never to settle down with any man. She had even planned not to have kids.
This is not a lady from our generation, she is in her 50s
right now, and the era she comes from is when marriage was really important and
crucial. She is not modern or too career driven or anything. She came from a
humble background, very humble, like the really struggling kind. Her education
was never elite but at least the bare minimum-high school. So I asked her what
her plan was. It was those colonial-ish
times, so working for the white’s household was quite the thing then. She was to go work in one, save, buy her own
land and end her days there-ALONE!
You know I cannot honestly say I would know how her mind
works. I did not even want to ask then who would have lived on after her to at
least take possession of the little she had. She did not want children or a
husband. I asked why?
Seeing marriage fail
from where you come from
When you see all the women in your life who are really
important including your mother roughing it in the one place she should have
her head, it makes you question whether you want to be a part of that. When you
see the man who even sired you not being bothered by your existence, only
participate that one crucial time and leave you to your devices- yes it makes
you question whether you want to reproduce and can barely afford yourself.
I always say; if you cannot take care of yourself and are
still struggling, never bring a child into it. That is what she had decided.
She was barely making it and what is the best birth control? Not dealing with
the people who help reproduce completely. She had not seen a good example being
set by the men that were apparently husbands, so there was no way she was going
to take a chance herself.
You just do not meet
the right one
You have heard of people who choose to settle. In that same
regard there are people who would rather not. What is the use of being with
someone just because? It is your choice and thus your life, so for some, if
they never do come across a person who is actually worth spending the rest of
your life with, you just choose to let it all go and be. Rather than suffering through something that
does not bring you happiness.
Not being ready
Some people just know their own minds. It does not have
anything to do with anybody other than with themselves. The same people have
respect for that institution and they understand the level of commitment that
goes with it. If they are not ready, they would never be the one to put someone
through all that only for them to go through disappointment.
She ended up being married though and the reason we were
talking is because she feels that she made a huge mistake. She thinks that she
should have stuck to her decision because her marriage has ended up being one
of her biggest disappointments. It followed the same cycle the ones she had
witnessed like her own mother’s and grandmother’s. She says that whenever you
desire something, it does get served to you just the way you want it. She had a
bad view of marriage and thus has ended up that way. Perhaps if she had been
more positive and open-minded about it, it would have turned out differently.
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.