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Is it a taboo for a woman to remain unmarried?

30 March 2016, 21:24 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Yesterday I was talking to a certain lady friend and she was reminiscing. It came as a surprise to me when she confessed that her plan was never to settle down with any man. She had even planned not to have kids.

This is not a lady from our generation, she is in her 50s right now, and the era she comes from is when marriage was really important and crucial. She is not modern or too career driven or anything. She came from a humble background, very humble, like the really struggling kind. Her education was never elite but at least the bare minimum-high school. So I asked her what her plan was. It was those colonial-ish times, so working for the white’s household was quite the thing then.  She was to go work in one, save, buy her own land and end her days there-ALONE!

You know I cannot honestly say I would know how her mind works. I did not even want to ask then who would have lived on after her to at least take possession of the little she had. She did not want children or a husband. I asked why?

Seeing marriage fail from where you come from

When you see all the women in your life who are really important including your mother roughing it in the one place she should have her head, it makes you question whether you want to be a part of that. When you see the man who even sired you not being bothered by your existence, only participate that one crucial time and leave you to your devices- yes it makes you question whether you want to reproduce and can barely afford yourself.

I always say; if you cannot take care of yourself and are still struggling, never bring a child into it. That is what she had decided. She was barely making it and what is the best birth control? Not dealing with the people who help reproduce completely. She had not seen a good example being set by the men that were apparently husbands, so there was no way she was going to take a chance herself.

You just do not meet the right one

You have heard of people who choose to settle. In that same regard there are people who would rather not. What is the use of being with someone just because? It is your choice and thus your life, so for some, if they never do come across a person who is actually worth spending the rest of your life with, you just choose to let it all go and be.  Rather than suffering through something that does not bring you happiness.

Not being ready

Some people just know their own minds. It does not have anything to do with anybody other than with themselves. The same people have respect for that institution and they understand the level of commitment that goes with it. If they are not ready, they would never be the one to put someone through all that only for them to go through disappointment.

She ended up being married though and the reason we were talking is because she feels that she made a huge mistake. She thinks that she should have stuck to her decision because her marriage has ended up being one of her biggest disappointments. It followed the same cycle the ones she had witnessed like her own mother’s and grandmother’s. She says that whenever you desire something, it does get served to you just the way you want it. She had a bad view of marriage and thus has ended up that way. Perhaps if she had been more positive and open-minded about it, it would have turned out differently.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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