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I'm in love with a jobless man

04 January 2016, 15:18 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I'm in love with a jobless man. What to do?

‘Failing to plan is planning to fail’

Have you ever seen those people, let us say women for example, who are in a ‘relationship’ or dating someone (read that as having sex) with a jobless, lazy and generally lacking in ambition person then get a very stupid expression because they are now pregnant and lacking in support. Then she starts crying that he is not good father material since he cannot provide for his own child or help. How did you figure having sex, unprotected sex at that will end? Was it meant to suddenly change their situation and that person’s character? That is what I mean by failing to plan.

When you know someone is not good for you but you continue with them anyway then I would advise you to take a couple of precautions to save yourself a lot of drama and tears. It goes for men as well when you are dealing with the 'wrong type' of woman.

If you are not ready to take care of your child by yourself, then plan for it

If you are parenting with a person whose only support you get is when they pass by to see the child and that is it; then it is not them but you. You knew what type of person they were, so no complaints on how lacking they are, you chose that situation. Let that sink in.

Think of the person you are currently ‘seeing’, ‘forcing to have a relationship with’, ‘have to chase and they only give you time when they know sex will get involved’ and etc. Yes you know they are not good so, take contraceptives, have them wear a condom, wear a condom and at the end of the day, drop some money in the ‘cookie jar’ because accidents do happen. Every time you let them in, just know that is 18 years of your life and money (_that you may not have). Think of that, and then ask yourself if you are ready. If not consider my plan- always drop a note in the ‘cookie jar’ because you are going to need it.

Marriage is never going to change a boy into a man or a girl into a woman; plan for that

Let us talk about the people who are in bad, dissatisfying and unfulfilling marriages. Were you chosen for your partner? No? If your answer is no, stop complaining.

It is kind of very interesting to see someone chasing after a relationship with someone who is clearly tagged with a hazard sign on their forehead. Let us not even bring in other people telling them so but they saw it as well while in the relationship but they figured, ‘ahhh, let us get married. Marriage will change them.’ If they are not supportive now, do save all your money for household expenses and school fees. Do save and invest to buy your house alone without a partner; if you ever make it that far. Don’t drink, don’t party, don’t spend on yourself or vacations because when you come back, all those bills are still going to be there for you. Marriage does not change someone it just elevates their status. Prepare yourself to make and eat dinner alone and sorting the kids out. Basically, you have a wife or husband but technically single. You are on your own.

You forced a relationship with the wrong person; plan for that

Plan for the emotional turmoil, plan for everything actually. If they lie now, they will always lie. Why do you have to look for the good in someone who is treating you badly? Then you go and moan to your friends then go back to them. You should expect all the bad things that come with someone who did not want to be with you in the first place or with someone who does not really care about you. So it is not them but you. You accept the kind of love that you think you deserve. Because trust me, that person will be a completely different person with someone they respect, appreciate and really love and like.

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- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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