If you cannot finance your own wedding, don’t stress other people about it
20 June 2016, 17:06
Nairobi - Normally my associates find it very strange
that I am not in a hurry to wed, and it is not a matter of commitment phobia,
or maybe it is but it is more about weddings.
If I say I am cohabiting, I don’t
think Jesus will like it so the more practical solution is to wait it out and
just figure it out as I go along. But it will definitely have to happen at time
where I do not wake up regretting having spent on a one day event.
Weddings entail a lot and when my mother is
offering to pay for some of it, thing is, she has no clue.
Today a gentleman was telling a story about
his daughter’s wedding which they had to strain to the extent that the overall
mood during the whole process, was not something that should be experienced.
The daughter could not afford the wedding
on her own so in true Kenyan fashion everyone had to come in to pull resources
for her to get married. Which is one of my problems, why struggle to do
something when you can actually do without it.
So him, as the parent had to step in and
help and of course the friends as well. The problem came in when it came to the
raising of funds; first she had a huge budget, had no money and was not ready
to make compromises. For example she wanted costly rings, and the father had
different ideas. So it also put a strain in their relationship, arguing about
such things with her parents.
They did not talk for a while because the
father eventually found out; she had been collecting money from his friends and
not letting him know how much they now had but pretending they were still
short. So one day the friend calls to confirm the receipt of the money and now
the dad finds out; you have been collecting money but still stressing me about
On the D-day, everyone just wanted to get
over and done with, with the whole event. The moral of the story was that, even
after the wedding, the lady, his daughter was now struggling to settle in her
own home because they could not even get money to eat. She could now also not
call her father because of the fall out.
Which is the point I normally stress on
when it comes to weddings, you do all that, and then you go to your rentals and
cannot even get money for food. You stretched yourself not because of the
principles of marriage but because in Kenya, you only have that status quo when
you go all out. These people are not coming back to your house with you, you
know your salary and rent but still want to spend hundreds of thousands if not
a million on a one day event because you want to be one of the ‘cool kids’.
My advice is and has always been, you don’t
have to do all that if you don’t want to cohabit, the Attorney General’s is
there for a much milder purpose. If your friends keep niggling you about your meager
earnings in order to be part of them, then those are not your friends; most
Kenyan ladies do the most just so they can say they got one leg up on their
friends-they did it better. You will be
the one to suffer because your friend might have been saving all her life and
not using a loan. Your friend does not have to harass her associate and her
parents for them to finance something that they clearly cannot afford.
You set such a bad tone for your marriage
if the purpose is about that one day. You will struggle and eat your own nails
and that is where petty problems that graduate into bigger problems come from.
Petty arguments why you don’t have rent and why you cannot be a better partner.
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