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If you cannot finance your own wedding, don’t stress other people about it

20 June 2016, 17:06 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Normally my associates find it very strange that I am not in a hurry to wed, and it is not a matter of commitment phobia, or maybe it is but it is more about weddings.

If I say I am cohabiting, I don’t think Jesus will like it so the more practical solution is to wait it out and just figure it out as I go along. But it will definitely have to happen at time where I do not wake up regretting having spent on a one day event.

Weddings entail a lot and when my mother is offering to pay for some of it, thing is, she has no clue.

Today a gentleman was telling a story about his daughter’s wedding which they had to strain to the extent that the overall mood during the whole process, was not something that should be experienced.

The daughter could not afford the wedding on her own so in true Kenyan fashion everyone had to come in to pull resources for her to get married. Which is one of my problems, why struggle to do something when you can actually do without it.

So him, as the parent had to step in and help and of course the friends as well. The problem came in when it came to the raising of funds; first she had a huge budget, had no money and was not ready to make compromises. For example she wanted costly rings, and the father had different ideas. So it also put a strain in their relationship, arguing about such things with her parents.

They did not talk for a while because the father eventually found out; she had been collecting money from his friends and not letting him know how much they now had but pretending they were still short. So one day the friend calls to confirm the receipt of the money and now the dad finds out; you have been collecting money but still stressing me about it.

On the D-day, everyone just wanted to get over and done with, with the whole event. The moral of the story was that, even after the wedding, the lady, his daughter was now struggling to settle in her own home because they could not even get money to eat. She could now also not call her father because of the fall out.

Which is the point I normally stress on when it comes to weddings, you do all that, and then you go to your rentals and cannot even get money for food. You stretched yourself not because of the principles of marriage but because in Kenya, you only have that status quo when you go all out. These people are not coming back to your house with you, you know your salary and rent but still want to spend hundreds of thousands if not a million on a one day event because you want to be one of the ‘cool kids’.

My advice is and has always been, you don’t have to do all that if you don’t want to cohabit, the Attorney General’s is there for a much milder purpose. If your friends keep niggling you about your meager earnings in order to be part of them, then those are not your friends; most Kenyan ladies do the most just so they can say they got one leg up on their friends-they did it better.  You will be the one to suffer because your friend might have been saving all her life and not using a loan. Your friend does not have to harass her associate and her parents for them to finance something that they clearly cannot afford.

You set such a bad tone for your marriage if the purpose is about that one day. You will struggle and eat your own nails and that is where petty problems that graduate into bigger problems come from. Petty arguments why you don’t have rent and why you cannot be a better partner.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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