Identifying control drama in people
07 September 2016, 08:38
When someone's needs are not meet, they may resort to control dramas in order to manipulate others to comply. They are usually learned in childhood as a strategy to manipulate others into giving you what you want. Worthy to note is that many people never outgrow their primary control drama or evolve to higher forms of communication. There are four primary control dramas:
1. Being nice and manipulative. Some people become nice and ingratiating to entice you to return the favour. Be on guard when someone becomes so nice and sweet and then asks for a favour.
2. Being nasty and manipulative. Some may be abusive and threaten you with dire consequences if you don't do their bidding. Always be calm and maintain your cool. Explain to them why what they are asking is not possible at the moment.
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3. Being aloof and withdrawn. Others withdraw themselves and try to be aloof so that you may run to them and do what they are asking you to do. Identify this control drama and don't play along if the stakes of complying with them are too high for you.
4. Playing the victim or “poor-me” part. Others play the victim and announce to everyone else that you have refused to do what they requested or that you are a bad person denying them a favour. They want everyone else to see you as the bad one and them the victim. By rallying everyone against you, they hope to compel you to dance their tune.
When you witness one of these control dramas playing out in a difficult person, you can automatically become more understanding. Imagine the person you’re dealing with using the same control drama as a child. From that perspective, you realize that this individual never learned another way to get their needs met and, as such, is deserving of your compassion. This simple and profound shift in perspective can take the entire relationship dynamic in a new direction.
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