I really don’t look forward to going to my husband’s village
07 September 2016, 22:00
Nairobi - There is nothing that I dread more than
going to the village.
Do you know my grandmother (both of them
but one already passed); back to my story, our grandmother has to come see us
and we never go to the village. Don’t blame it on us, blame it on our parents.
If there is no electricity even for one
hour due to black out purposes I get high blood pressure. I know times have
changed and the old folks have electricity but still it is the village. Nothing
happens in the village. I am not talking about clubbing either- I don’t club
here either way so that is not the problem. The only thing you go to do in the
village is breathe fresh air for like a day or two and come back- a week is
I would grow insane because I am used to
having something to do. I am not talking about fetching water from the river
either. Because let us be honest, it is only a handful of homes that actually
do have the water brought to their compound, so as the women, you all have to
go to the river and fill drums for the kitchen, bathing , oh, let us not forget
water for the cows. It is not for five people either but for everyone, more
than ten even meaning it is a daily activity.
Also, when you are in the village with your
man; you cannot disrespect him the way you do here. You know like talking back
when he talks to you, sneering or clicking when you think he has said something
dumb or telling him he cannot go with the men. Women are there to be seen and
not to be heard. The only time you talk is when you are asking your man if he
is done eating and you can clear his plate or you need to serve him some more.
I think that is why men look forward to going to their rural homes because they
know we lose the attitude by the time we are at the gate while the women hate
it. Your man is about to have a vacation while you run around more than you do
normally, trying to please him, his mother, his father and all of his
relations. You are proving you were the right choice.
Another thing, you better wake up when you
hear the cock crow, no lazying around in bed until 8am. You have to wake up,
clean the house and go blow on firewood while making tea. The amount of smoke
you and your hair will entertain as a wife in your husband’s home, will make
you dread the next time you have to go back. I have natural hair I will be a
By the way, my father never ever tells any
of his daughters to go light a jiko,
my mother as well. Not because they are coddling us- I wish- but because it is
tears and drama. First it is the crying while you are blowing through smoke and
the jiko is not even lit and the amount of matches that goes to waste then
eventually, the amount of kerosene that will have to be used in the end. Now
imagine us with a three stone thing! The embarrassment I am going to cause my
future husband when I eventually visit his village is laughable. I will
literally carry kerosene from Nairobi, all the 20 something years of my life
that I have tried to learn to light a fire, I have been unable to. I doubt it
is about to change.
Young lady, don’t even have manicure or
fancy hair while going to the village because even if you go with a help or
they have one, you will have to get down and dirty. The smoke, amount of
washing you will have to do and cleaning- trust me it is not a vacation you are
going. Your man is the only one that is going to have a good time; you are
going to be the ‘biddable, appropriate,
traditional, nice wife that is respectful not just to the parents but most
importantly their son.’ You cannot even look him in the eye; don’t believe
me, ask any married lady with experience.
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