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'I needed a man on Christmas Day'

28 December 2015, 14:47 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - After months and months of waiting for the holidays, Christmas came, a one day event, it went and now we already are on the 28th. Well that went fast, now we are waiting for 31st and soon enough it will be the 2nd of January; don’t you just feel that disappointment?

What caught my attention though was the number of articles I read that were trying to console people (read: women I doubt men really care) who were single during the holidays. I thought that happened only on Valentines but it seems no matter what day it is where it signifies you not being at work someone just has to bring up the issue that you cannot enjoy yourself unless you have a man around. Some of the articles: ‘how to stay sane and happy during the holidays while you are still single’, ‘how to end this year happy even though you are single’, ‘how to explain yourself to your family when they ask where is your plus one’ and because it was Christmas the key title was, ‘have no one to buy you a gift this year, do not be so sad’.  I have generalized the titles but it was just so you could get the point that I am trying to make.

No food choked me during the holidays just because I had no man to gaze at while eating. In fact it went down really well. Of all the things you could enjoy yourself with; we just had to come back to that one same thing that we talk about all year long ‘a woman being single and alone’. I am starting to understand why women get desperate when it comes to finding a man for her. Not the right man but just a man and that is how people end up in bad relationships and marriage. You end up just picking anyone so that you can present them from your family. It is the holidays and you are just tired of your grandmother, your mother, aunties and generally relatives hounding you about when you are going to settle down. You were doing so well all year long by focusing on other things and forgetting about what did not seem to work but come Christmas day and you get so insecure because they make you feel no good just because you have found no one yet.

By the time December ends, you cooked, cleaned and were presentable going in but January first you are insecure with no self-esteem because one loudmouth auntie had the guts to ask you what is wrong with you that you cannot make a man settle down with you. Or one uncle who asked even with all your education you are still no good enough to keep a man or make a man want you. Wow! And now we are back to square one to building your self esteem that has been damaged by people you have to send money to from the same job they insulted because it prevents you from getting a man. Conversations for the single women during the holidays just revolves around her not having been able to get, make a man commit or keep a man interested enough to choose her.

One woman might be laughing this off but another one will relate because it has been her truth. Now come next year she will be rushing to call that no good John so that she can just say she has a man although come February the 14th he will make her pay for her own date or even act like she does not exist. I am going to talk to her, if you were just about to do that let me tell you, no matter how your family makes you feel you need to learn to stand up for yourself and appreciate yourself for what you have been able to accomplish all year long. You are not the only single woman in this world neither will you be the last; you just have narrow minded people around you. Even so, you need to let people learn their boundaries, what they can criticize you about and what they can tell you to your face. If you take crap in the name of advice you will always be fed crap. Respect is not given but earned, only grandmothers get a pass.

But don’t run around after some weak man just because you were made to feel less about yourself from a one day event. Stand up for yourself and keep slaying because just because someone brags they are in a relationship, it does not mean it is a good relationship. Know how to screen the wheat from the chaff.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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