I have a venereal disease, how do I tell my partner?
27 June 2016, 08:00
Telling your partner you have a venereal disease is one of the hardest things to do in a marriage. Unlike during dating where one can quickly conclude the relationship was never meant to be and disappear without a goodbye, conditions for exit are different in marriage. It's a painful truth and must be told and handled cautiously.
Below are some tips:
1) Be honest. There are no alternatives to freeing yourself from a lie. Just be honest. Obviously, there must be a contributing factor to your disease and neither of you is a small child to be told some mythical stories about non-existent causes. It's better for you to fight over the truth than lies. Your love may be pricked but he or she will surely come around upon realising your truthful confession and need to protect your family.
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2) Accept your illness. There may be an urge to blame your partner for the disease but if you truly respect her or him, you would accept liability for the disease. You know yourself more than anyone else, including your partner. You may have stumbled in darkness and fallen, but the disease brings your sins into light. It is the most challenging thing to do. There is no procedure on how to claim responsibility but there must be a way to ask your partner to go for a check up. It's impossible to suddenly raise concern over your health status. You must be able to prepare your partner in some way. And that starts with accepting the illness.
3) Give assurance of fidelity. If you messed up with another man or woman, explain the circumstances under which it happened. Don't just promise not to cheat again but provide reasons why you won't and how you would adhere to your marriage code of ethics. Allow her or him to monitor you if that turns out to be a necessity to safeguard your marriage from further exposure to more risks. Marriage is hard work. It involves forgiveness, patience and perseverance. You may say you cannot condone some mistakes but when they happen, you will realise it's more than just saying.
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