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I don't want to share with my boyfriend

18 April 2016, 21:04 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Normally, when talking about anything materialistic, it is usually under the assumption that the woman is doing the taking while the man is doing the giving; especially when it comes to most Kenyan relationships.

Who’s to say that men can’t do the taking as well? Should sharing with your man be that big of deal?

I will be the first to admit that I have always had a problem with sharing. Growing up in a house full of women; one minute my mirror is where I left it, the next minute someone has silently borrowed it and moved it; making me look like I did not know I left it there. One day I am wearing something nice, someone comments, I say thank you, I will not even know that someone borrowed it. Just see them walking into the house one day and not paying you any mind. Just gets to me when someone does not even ask but takes and when they bring it back it is not in the condition it should be in.

First of all, if you are married, this is not the topic for you or a conversation you should take part in. If your husband borrows your car, well he can. You trust him enough to live in the same house as you do.

People in relationships usually have more problems than those already married because for you, everything has to be put out explicitly. No one has the excuse of saying it comes with the territory like married people can.

So, you have a boyfriend and he borrows your car, what do you do? He does not own his own, it has never been a problem because you easily pick him p and drop him off. Totally never been an issue. And now, you are at that stage where you are wondering whether he can have a key to your house so that you show how much you trust him and love him. If he even had to ask, we already know there is a problem.

If a woman loves a man and is sure about him and his intentions, the man will never have to ask for anything from her. She will just give it to him because that is just how most women are. To be honest, in this decade, most women have better jobs than their men and better earnings as a consequence; meaning better living. What does better living mean? She will have a house that he wants to spend more time in as compared to his own especially if it has all those trappings-Dstv for sports and a fridge stocked with beer.

The problem comes in when she does not want to readily give you the key to her house. You are only invited when she is there and when she leaves, both of you pack up and leave. No one gets left behind. What could be the problem?

Women experience the same problem that men do-if she does not want to give you her keys, that only means she does not trust you. She is not sure who you will bring around when she is not at home and worst case scenario, when she goes out of town for a long time. If the relationship is one which she constantly has to sit you down because there is always a woman that is causing problems. Of course she will not give you her keys. Who wants to be wondering if another woman was on her sheets that she paid so much money for and has to wash herself?

Smart women do not give keys to men they have not known long enough. Long enough is like a year of you dodging every personal question she asks. Where do you live? Where do you work? Can I come and visit? She does not want to come home one evening and find out that her house has been taken to the cleaners-nothing on sight.

Then there is the other category that will no longer want to take her out on proper dates because her house is cozy enough. Once a man gets to a certain comfort zone, there is no budging him and most women can read that in you even before you do. ‘Why do we have to go out, when we can just stay in and have a good time as well?’ Honestly, if it was a bedsitter, everyone would want to go out but a comfortable house, her man will not be taking her out anywhere and that is what your girlfriend is avoiding.

Then there is the man that slowly moves himself in. This is the problem where dating potential comes in. There is potential, and then there is potential. There is a man that actually wants it and works toward it and then there is the other category that most women meet with; dreamer, prayer and that is the most effort you will get out of him. He will suggest moving in and she will think he is serious about her until that moment she realizes that he only wanted to have it easy. He does not help with the bills or anything because-‘before I moved in, you were doing it all by yourself? Weren’t you?’ ‘I loved you when you were independent and not asking me for anything!’

Every woman knows the devil she is dancing with and she will not be giving you her car keys when she knows you do not want to take her out but to show off to another woman. She will not be giving them to you when every time you borrow it; you bring it back in a worse type of condition. Yes, there are such men and they are the reason that some women just decide to do things on her own. Because when you do it for someone and they end up making it look like a slap in the face, what makes you think she will do it for the next man?


- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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