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How to do it wrong: 5 sex tips that mislead

30 September 2016, 09:07 Bernard Lugagah

The only right way, when it comes to sex, is your way.

Be selective of the sex advice you accept. Most of it is given by armchair sexologists whose only qualification is their unbridled imagination. Or by perverts who do not want to feel alone in their depravity. Even if it has been tried before successfully, it is no guarantee it will work for you. Below are some pieces of advice that have actually been offered to innocent wananchi.

1. Sex in water

Sounds wildly erotic and sure looks it too in those airbrushed photos of glistening bodies getting it on in a body of water. It is a bad idea. Water bodies are rife with bacteria which the in and out that sex requires pushes up a lady’s parts. This can make her very ill.

That thrusting also washes away lubrication which causes tears that are avenues for STDs to cross over. If you are using a condom, the dryness will probably tear it, which leaves you both vulnerable to disease and unplanned pregnancies.

Also, indoor wet sex makes surfaces slippery and very dangerous. The cold water is also likely to shrink the penis and render it useless.

2.  The folly of keeping record

Sometimes you get caught up in the sexual moment, and it seems advisable to save it for posterity. Or sometimes you want to bridge the distance between you by swapping nudes. It is misleading advice that does not tell you the danger of it. Once that moment is captured and saved, there is no telling where it will end up and how it will come back to haunt you. Those archived moments have ruined people, and even driven some to suicide.

3.  Polyamory

Sharing sexual partners is the new taboo that to break apparently revs up your sex life. It needs a huge amount of open mindedness to even consider. Many people have been surprised to discover after the fact that they are not really that open minded. Let no amount of talk of how it will make your monogamous relationship stronger convince you to venture into it recklessly, if at all. The spice and excitement it offers is likely to be soon overtaken by grief and remorse.

4. Manhandling the erogenous zones

Those tightly packed nerve endings that make our erogenous zones such heady pleasure spots are also effective pain receptors. The key to pleasing them is that less is more, and any call to handle them roughly is just sadist.

Women have sometimes been advised to twist penises, slap and milk them like a cow’s udder. There has been advice to, horror of horrors, nibble on scrotums and clitorises!

5. Public sex

It can be very exhilarating, and don’t ask how I know that. But it is a bad idea, it is criminal, and when you get caught, which is very likely you are going to trend online for a long time, until someone more stupid or more worthy liberates you.

P.S: A Chinese tycoon is offering $180,000,000 to any man who will turn his lesbian daughter straight and marry her. If there was ever a time to visit a mganga kutoka Tanzania, this is it.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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