Don’t get married to someone you don’t understand financially
22 June 2016, 16:41
Nairobi - That is the honest truth. We all take money
issues very lightly because we tend to assume that we have other things to
think about when it comes to marriage other than money.
If you have never had the money talk with
your partner, you should. That is just the way it is. Running away from it or
hiding from it or pretending like it does not exist only creates more problems.
That is what I mean when I say someone you understand financially.
That is why a wife will be bitter five
years down the line when the situation is still the same or not better. She
hopes for more, does not say it but hopes the man is thinking the same. He
might actually not.
At times, the roles shift in a relationship
when one eventually earns more than the other. Does not have to do with gender
or anything but when you earn more, the more you have to take care of. But that
is not how it essentially works. An African woman (or some women) will tell
you, ‘…but aren’t you meant to be the provider?’ Yet you know she is getting
more than you are. Soon enough she becomes resentful because you are not doing
what is expected of you. If she does not understand, it will create a rift in
your relationship. Heaven forbid you lose your job then because now you cannot
even tell her anything.
You have to envision any eventuality for
your relationship to work and to avoid drama and confusion. You have to say who
takes care of what and when they can’t what should happen. If you don’t want to
share your money, you need to let someone know so that they get where you
stand. If you expect something or change in the future, then say it. But do not
keep quite so that you give a completely different impression and be mad when
it does not go your way.
That is what they mean when they talk about
values in a relationship. It cannot all be about children and family but money
counts as well.
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