Do not date for more than 5 years
25 November 2015, 15:41
Nairobi - I have a problem with especially long relationships and I am
sure there is a woman out there feeling at a loss because she has been in one
for a while and she now realizes it might just not go anywhere. Anything above
five years and someone is not making plans with you; I will be honest and tell
you; you might just be in trouble. I am not talking about come we stays either
because at times a couple are in a agreement not to want a wedding and would
just rather live but you see, they have an agreement, you have never had any
You do not want to give an ultimatum because you sought of already know
the answer and it is not the one you would like
Women have a strong intuition when something is not going as
it should be. Here you are, having been together all this time and the idea of
starting over at your age is not your idea of having a good time. That is the problem with long relationships,
it was either going nowhere or it reached its climax and now no one knows where
to lead from there.
You are also a bit resentful because you know if it came to
an end, he will have an easier time than you will because it works in the
opposite for women. So what do you do? Do you keep quiet and hope or you just
come out and ask. You do not want to be old you are being pushy or you are acting
to aggressive, ‘are you the one who is going to wear the pants?’
The more time you spend doubting and second guessing
yourself, the more time you keep wasting on someone who might have changed his
mind about you.
You will be angry or mad but at least you have saved yourself before it
was too late
If he is the one you had planned to settle with, ignored
everyone else for and rejected others who offered; you will be mad. You will be
resentful and that is when you will be thinking of payback. His relatives call
you the ‘wife’ by mistake at times but from his expression you already know
where his head was at. He never acknowledged it and that is why it is not like
you are married. That only works for people who have an agreement and are
talking kids and a future. You have none of that, so you will be mad and you
are right to it.
If possible, avoid having joint accounts and investing on things
together with him if he does not recognize you
You are not good enough to be wife, so you should not be
good enough to share such important things. If there is a fall out, you do not
want to also have to deal with the drama of you having spent your money,
savings on someone who was investing with someone else in his mind and not you.
You cannot force someone if they never had the same value and vision as
you did to change
Two years into any relationship, I am thinking you should
ask questions and know if someone is riding the same boat as you are. Never lie
to yourself that they will see marriage as more of a ring and certificate if
they never did. Don’t keep quiet because you do not want to ruin things which
is the mistake most women make. You keep
quite; year one, two and before you know it is year five and you are 32. Now
look at that mess. He is not ready because he is just 33 and he feels like he
should marry when he is older. He knows he can get the best model and fresher
meat because he is a man and it has always worked like that for them. But what
Make them angry in the beginning and save yourself from
wasting time on someone who was never yours to begin with.
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