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Do not date for more than 5 years

25 November 2015, 15:41 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I have a problem with especially long relationships and I am sure there is a woman out there feeling at a loss because she has been in one for a while and she now realizes it might just not go anywhere. Anything above five years and someone is not making plans with you; I will be honest and tell you; you might just be in trouble. I am not talking about come we stays either because at times a couple are in a agreement not to want a wedding and would just rather live but you see, they have an agreement, you have never had any such thing.

You do not want to give an ultimatum because you sought of already know the answer and it is not the one you would like

Women have a strong intuition when something is not going as it should be. Here you are, having been together all this time and the idea of starting over at your age is not your idea of having a good time.  That is the problem with long relationships, it was either going nowhere or it reached its climax and now no one knows where to lead from there.

You are also a bit resentful because you know if it came to an end, he will have an easier time than you will because it works in the opposite for women. So what do you do? Do you keep quiet and hope or you just come out and ask. You do not want to be old you are being pushy or you are acting to aggressive, ‘are you the one who is going to wear the pants?’

The more time you spend doubting and second guessing yourself, the more time you keep wasting on someone who might have changed his mind about you.

You will be angry or mad but at least you have saved yourself before it was too late

If he is the one you had planned to settle with, ignored everyone else for and rejected others who offered; you will be mad. You will be resentful and that is when you will be thinking of payback. His relatives call you the ‘wife’ by mistake at times but from his expression you already know where his head was at. He never acknowledged it and that is why it is not like you are married. That only works for people who have an agreement and are talking kids and a future. You have none of that, so you will be mad and you are right to it.

If possible, avoid having joint accounts and investing on things together with him if he does not recognize you

You are not good enough to be wife, so you should not be good enough to share such important things. If there is a fall out, you do not want to also have to deal with the drama of you having spent your money, savings on someone who was investing with someone else in his mind and not you.

You cannot force someone if they never had the same value and vision as you did to change

Two years into any relationship, I am thinking you should ask questions and know if someone is riding the same boat as you are. Never lie to yourself that they will see marriage as more of a ring and certificate if they never did. Don’t keep quiet because you do not want to ruin things which is the mistake most women make.  You keep quite; year one, two and before you know it is year five and you are 32. Now look at that mess. He is not ready because he is just 33 and he feels like he should marry when he is older. He knows he can get the best model and fresher meat because he is a man and it has always worked like that for them. But what about you?

Make them angry in the beginning and save yourself from wasting time on someone who was never yours to begin with.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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