Do Kenyan men fear settling with single mothers?
13 July 2016, 12:00
A lady asked me why Kenyan men have an inherent fear of settling down with single mothers. She noted that a man may woo and take her for dates until he finds out that she has a child, then they all run for the hill and will not pursue her any more.
What’s the big deal with a woman who has a child or two? If a woman is hard working, beautiful and romantic, what more could the man ask for? Does having a child make the single mothers unattractive?
Ladies with kids are more mature and well grounded individuals; they have experiential wisdom and could make great wives. However, the kids are a reminder to the man that her woman was intimate with another man and has kids that demand her attention and love. He may feel that he is playing second fiddle in her life.
Read Also: Why single moms are increasing in the society
These are some ideas to make you attractive if you are a single mum:
1. Inform him as soon as possible that you have some bundle of joy at home. This will ensure that only the serious man stays longer for more dates.
2. Discuss the issue of children openly and how you intend to parent them jointly. Some fears are allayed when the man knows that he is special to you and has a place in your heart and will not come last after your job and children.
3. Work on your strengths. When you improve of your attractiveness or beauty and other strengths like hard work, submissiveness, become supportive and romantic, men are likely to overlook the extra baggage.
4. Understand that the kids are not his and don't expect him to embrace them quickly and wholeheartedly like you do. The bond may grow over with time. He is your lover and their step-dad, not their biological dad. Allow the real dad to play his role of loving his children and bonding with them if he is available and willing to do so. This removes undue pressure from your man and you are able to enjoy the relationship more.
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