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Divorced but want to start dating

18 May 2016, 16:45 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Considering most of you young folks are going to marriage like trick or treat, you need this. Today you feel like you are in love, the next day they are apparently not the one. By the time some of you are done, I don’t know how many divorces you will have had.

Meanwhile, for the people that actually tried with one partner and it did not work, it is not the end of the world. You can try again, even you the women, it’s not men alone that were born to have fun. In most African societies, a lot of women after a failed marriage are guilt tripped even by their own friends to a point that, even though she is amazing, she will choose a lonely life because someone told her someone of her age should not be running around.

I am talking about the mature woman not you young ones who pick and drop things like it is a game.

Anyway, there are some things you cannot do on the first date especially when it comes to talking.

Don’t talk about your former husband/ wife

I am not saying that you hide the fact that you were formerly married because they will ask.  Your answer should be simple and direct. For example; ‘I was married, we were no longer able to go on with it. So we decided to end it.’ The end! Then ask them, ‘So what is your favorite…’ ; to move the conversation to something else so that you do not get caught up when they keep asking. That is information for someone who is really serious about being in a relationship with you.

Don’t start dating if you are not ready

This is a test; how will you know you are not ready? When you go on the first date and the only thing that you are talking about is what someone did to you, how bitter and miserable your life is or was because of them, you are not ready. No one will want to start healing anyone. People date because they are trying to move on not be part of some drama in your past life. Also; it shows that you are not over it-that is called baggage.

Don’t get attached too fast

A broken marriage is normally due to the bad things that happened that it did not work. So when you meet a very nice person, luckily, and they treat you so nice. In a way that you had forgotten; you will get stars in your eyes. They might even treat you better than your spouse ever knew how to. You need to gauge their intentions towards you before you get too attached and start thinking you are in love. Let the situation lead itself, give it time and when you know where it is heading maybe that is when you can get emotional. Maybe!

You will have to re-learn how to have another person in your life

If they are serious about you, do not make the relationship about you. It is not only you who has problems, it is not only you who has things going on-they do too! You will have to re-learn how to have someone else in your life-you are used to your children and the former spouse; you will have to learn about this other person as well and include them.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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