Dealing with an abusive husband
01 July 2016, 09:59
Men are often seen as the aggressors and women the victims of abusive relationships. This is true in most cases as men have a bigger body and an inclination to fight for their honour. As a woman, when you find yourself in a relationship with a highly aggressive man, you are likely to feel justified to leave the relationship. Your case will have a lot of sympathizers as there has been a heavy investment in victimhood rhetoric among human rights and feminist lobby groups.
However, before unleashing the victim card, you may want to get off your high horse and examine the facts more objectively. The people brought a woman caught in the act of adultery at the feet of Jesus. They wanted to stone her. Jesus asked them to perform a simple task; the one who had never sinned to be the first to stone her. None was found innocent as many had been her loyal customers. The same is true in all relationships. It takes two to tango.
Don’t be part of a problem and accuse others without seeing your shortcomings. Usually, ladies cause emotional abuse to the man by being insensitive in the heat of an argument and attacking his ego.
These are ways you can dial down strive and ensure you are not part of the problem or worse still, source of the problem:
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1. Give a soft answer. Some ladies always want to have the final word in an argument.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger - Proverbs 15:1.
2. Honor him. Many women never waste an opportunity to show the husband that he is nothing. Their tongues are like sharp daggers. Even though you know the kid in him, choose to speak to the king in him instead. Men love to be honored and if you keep attacking his ego you will get the worse of him and you may not like it.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives - 1 Peter 3:1
3. Don’t avenge. They say if we all avenge by practicing an eye for an eye retributive justice, then we can end up all being blind. When a couple avenge for themselves, they enter a vicious cycle and create an endless chain reaction that could compromise the health of the relationship. Harboring hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness over unresolved issue automatically makes the woman to resent the man. This can manifest in rude and unkind actions like denying him sex, not talking or provoking him to react violently.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you - Ephesians 4: 31,32
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