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Dating is no longer fun

13 January 2016, 15:25 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Dating these days is no longer fun. You no longer go in thinking, ‘I might like this person, let me see where it goes.’ But, ‘I know you want something from me, let me find out what it is.’

Someone just wants something from you, until they get it and move on to the next conquest. This is the Nairobi experience because I cannot speak for the rest of you other people.

I was in campus with a certain girl/woman-take your pick- and she was dating her fellow classmate throughout the four years. But before we graduated, what do you know, a foreign student studying piloting came along and wooed her. Guess who won! The conversation throughout that whole relationship while I knew her was, ‘but he is going to be a pilot’ or ‘…I am soon going to be travelling the world!’ Feeling bad for my fellow classmate, the now ex to the girl/woman, I tried to dissuade her but I as usual came out looking wrong like I wanted a piece of her prize; so I just let sleeping dogs lie. She got pregnant and is now about to get married, she is just 23. How long will that marriage last? She has yet to experience life and its hardships. I have to hand it to her; I did not know she was that smart. Like really and that brings me to my point; couples are just with each other to get something out of the other person and not because they might actually want to be with them. Love is grown from the wants fulfilled. Are you getting my point?

These days couples are not cohabiting because they are on the road to get married but because, ‘this man has a good job; I can pay for my fare and he can handle the rest!’

A man likes you so you do not sit and think about where it might lead with that relationship but you are looking at the accommodations, and how close to your work place they are. So you decide, it’s just sex anyway. Let me live with him until I can set myself up because she already knows he will not make her pay the bills while he is still trying to impress her. The man has no idea about your plans and is busy planning about his future life with you; until she drops the bombshell about finding better opportunities and moving out next month. That is what heartbreak to a man looks like.

The men are not to be left behind either

You know, I try to go out of my way and give every man credit for being a man and not be judgemental before I get to know him but it is so hard in Nairobi. I don’t check if you came in a car or on foot. I don’t judge your clothes but hygiene and I will not ask what you do on the first date but listen to what some boy/man asked me while on such a date. ‘Si, you can be my sponsor then?’ I have no idea even where to start with this one. Like it is men like this that create the she-devils that you come across because after such conversations dates like this you are just like, ‘not again Satan, not again!’ That is how women are becoming very hard about not allowing men to exploit them and choosing the already made men. You do not want to be with someone touting how he wants an independent women but not because you are that but because he wants to eat from you as well. We want men just to be men just like you want women to want you for you.

You are with someone because of what they can do for you and your career

These days everyone has a business card, a mechanics will read, An Automotive Engineer, Specialist and Consultant. All women these days are brand ambassadors/ PR managers (read on social media) and Marketers, where and for whom? So when someone asks for your card, you are thinking you have them cinched until you realize you have just played each other. Well played, until you do it for so long with each other. So you think you are getting some fancy manager and rush him or her to the altar. Have a toast to your life together when you eventually realize the truth.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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