As a man with many childen from different women
24 May 2016, 14:34
Nairobi - I am not a man but I do straddle the fence on a lot of things. So let us try this out with me trying to be a man.
You see I am doing this for a lot of women, mostly the ones that have decided to not be part of the union but instead bring up there kids on their own. She can teach her child how to treat a woman but she cannot teach him how to be a man. She can teach her daughter how to be independent but she cannot teach her self-love that comes from being either accepted or not knowing whom your father is. It is just that way. You cannot fill both roles no matter how much you think you are. It is the simple truth.
It is so heartbreaking because men do go on to live their lives but for women, it is sort of different; she now cannot think of herself alone but the child.
Many women do not even know that the man they are sleeping with, she is not his first baby mother neither will she be the last. So she is here crying about what has ended and why it had to be her; she does not know the man has been cooking stew since he learnt how to; baby mother here, baby mother there, baby mother across the street. They all do not know.
The man does this, but forgets the important factor- the child. If you are going to not be careful, then you need to start acting responsible. All those children need to know that you did not abandon them or neglect them. That small amount of time you set aside to interact with them is important.
A child going to school and seeing a ‘daddy’ dropping off his kids while he has never seen one or she has never known one will cause damage. They need to know that you are just there in fact because they are wondering ‘how did mummy make me without a daddy?’ and that is how it starts. That is where identification starts from. You might not be there 24/7 because you are Tomfoolering but because they know you are there, it helps-no identity crisis. They will not even be bothered because even if you cannot show up at school, at least they do know they have one somewhere.
Women cannot do it alone. Don’t be populating the world, being proud of it and then just not show up. It normally catches up with you, especially in an African Society. If the mother is too smart with the lies, it rarely does but picture this; some tribes and clans cannot accept a daughter for their son without negotiating with the father. So they now have to start looking for you five hundred years later so that she can just move on with her life. Same case with a son and when they meet you, they might actually hate you in most cases because ‘where have you been all this time?’
Also, some of you hate the child because you do not like the mother. A couple of years later, they are the only thing you can be proud of as compared to the ones you accepted and then you want to come in to claim them? I will support the mother on this one; just be invisible as you have been all this while. I will also tell the child the truth by the way because you cannot go through life having your cake and eating it too without care.
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