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Are you in a relationship alone?

25 May 2016, 15:43 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Have you ever told your boyfriend that you cannot wait to move in with him or marry him and his phone suddenly did not seem to work? Some of us talk about why we never saw the signs but they were really always there.

Some of you are in a ‘relationship’ but don’t know you have no relationship.

You can actually be in a relationship alone because for most of us or them it is just about the simplicity. No one likes doing the complex anymore. You just have someone you can call for a night out, a meal, a trip the occasional sex and you are good to go. So when it actually gets to be serious for you but it is not for them? You are surprised. ‘When are we moving in together?’ No answer. ‘When are we going to be serious and settle down?’ ‘I have a lot of things I am thinking about.’ 

When someone does not want to make future plans with you that is a sign. You don’t need a map to get there; they have already shown you there location. But you don’t take it because you don’t want to believe that you could have wasted so many years or so much time with someone in order to get nothing. You don’t want to believe that you can actually not be all that. So you force the situation and try to milk as much as you can out of it to get your way only to be disappointed.

You might actually be in a relationship alone when someone chooses to not identify you as part of their future. They share their plans with you but they take the necessary measures to make sure you get the point-you are not going to be a part of it.

For example, ‘I want to….’ ‘I would like to...’ The key here is they are not saying we or asking you but thinking about them. So what more signs do you want?

You have no idea that someone is even ashamed of dating you. They just like what you do for them but them being with you completely? No!

They have not as many dates as you would like. Introducing you is even a problem. They do it in such a way that, ‘They just know you in passing’. You know what I mean? If someone is ashamed of you now, you need to start cutting off ties with them because you will get hurt and you will not like being in a marriage with them. It is not the time to be pregnant or have permanent fixtures with them. Run the other direction and find your peace of mind because you will be lying to yourself when you think that they will eventually appreciate you.

I like immediate satisfaction and immediate appreciation-that is the only way this will work. Having to bribe someone will give you short term results but just wait for the long term.

If your man is dodging you on the long term; you need to rethink whether this is actually working for you. Their phone did not die and erase the message they just chose to ignore it. Don’t cover up awkward silence with a meek laugh, you will be covering more when you have to explain to yourself why you spent 7 years with someone and they pulled the rug right under your feet.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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