Are you in a relationship alone?
25 May 2016, 15:43
Nairobi - Have you ever told your boyfriend that you
cannot wait to move in with him or marry him and his phone suddenly did not
seem to work? Some of us talk about why we never saw the signs but they were
really always there.
Some of you are in a ‘relationship’ but
don’t know you have no relationship.
You can actually be in a relationship alone
because for most of us or them it is just about the simplicity. No one likes
doing the complex anymore. You just have someone you can call for a night out,
a meal, a trip the occasional sex and you are good to go. So when it actually
gets to be serious for you but it is not for them? You are surprised. ‘When are
we moving in together?’ No answer. ‘When are we going to be serious and settle
down?’ ‘I have a lot of things I am thinking about.’
When someone does not want to make future
plans with you that is a sign. You don’t need a map to get there; they have
already shown you there location. But you don’t take it because you don’t want
to believe that you could have wasted so many years or so much time with
someone in order to get nothing. You don’t want to believe that you can
actually not be all that. So you force the situation and try to milk as much as
you can out of it to get your way only to be disappointed.
You might actually be in a relationship
alone when someone chooses to not identify you as part of their future. They
share their plans with you but they take the necessary measures to make sure
you get the point-you are not going to be a part of it.
For example, ‘I want to….’ ‘I would like
to...’ The key here is they are not saying we or asking you but thinking about
them. So what more signs do you want?
You have no idea that someone is even
ashamed of dating you. They just like what you do for them but them being with
you completely? No!
They have not as many dates as you would
like. Introducing you is even a problem. They do it in such a way that, ‘They
just know you in passing’. You know what I mean? If someone is ashamed of you
now, you need to start cutting off ties with them because you will get hurt and
you will not like being in a marriage with them. It is not the time to be
pregnant or have permanent fixtures with them. Run the other direction and find
your peace of mind because you will be lying to yourself when you think that
they will eventually appreciate you.
I like immediate satisfaction and immediate
appreciation-that is the only way this will work. Having to bribe someone will
give you short term results but just wait for the long term.
If your man is dodging you on the long
term; you need to rethink whether this is actually working for you. Their phone
did not die and erase the message they just chose to ignore it. Don’t cover up
awkward silence with a meek laugh, you will be covering more when you have to
explain to yourself why you spent 7 years with someone and they pulled the rug
right under your feet.
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