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Are you getting married for the wrong reasons?

05 April 2016, 19:18 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Some Kenyans are still in their feelings about some people’s weddings. I get you though, that moment you know that you are in no way a millionaire but you had to have a millionaire wedding. It hits you hard after you see two simple minded individuals with more money than you could ever imagine cut up a simple cake, dressed in their Sunday best that they can wear next Sunday and mingle with their guests in a simple backyard wedding while you now have a couple of suppliers trying to get your rent money from a one day event.

Those are two people who knew what they are doing and why they were doing it. They were not doing it for a show but maybe just because they were free that Sunday and decided since they can make that time, why not have something small just to celebrate and have a reason to drink.

You see, the reason most young couples get tired even before the one year is up it is because you did everything for all the wrong reasons. You start realizing the struggle when you are paying off a loan for something you can just remember from a couple of pictures. You realize that you rushed off to get married to someone that you actually had question marks about from the beginning. But you had to do it because you were beginning to feel like the only unmarred person in your group. Maybe you were spoilt for choice when it came to the people you could settle down with but you went with the one that you could have a fashionable lifestyle with now you cannot even stomach each other. After it is all said and done, you are really regretting that decision because they are not good parent material, spouse material or even partner material.

Young people need to learn how to make the best decisions for themselves without adhering to external people’s influences. You are not ready for marriage; there is nothing wrong with that. You cannot finance the wedding that your partner wants; there is nothing wrong with that. You will know you have the right partner for you when you can sit them down and let them know that your plan and their plan are not coming together the right way. You can have a decent conversation about it and walk away without someone guilt tripping you into debt.  You can be ready for family but you can also choose that first- in my opinion, the when you are together, when you have grown and learnt that you made the right choice, save for the wedding  when you are comfortable and actually enjoy it. With no worries!

Young couples cannot even enjoy their wedding day because they are already thinking about the over budget, how they will make their house rent afterwards, why they had to feed all these people on expensive drinks and they will not have milk money after that. Eating well on a single day then breaking your back the rest of the year.

When you are already having money problems one month into a wedding, it will create a strain in your marriage especially if one of you was always against it. They will always say, ‘I told you this is not what we should have done.’ They will question the whole year in whether you were after all the right partner for them.  That one small problem creates bigger issues later on.

I am not saying you cohabit if that is not what you want, you can always have a civil ceremony. Have a simple lunch with friends and say bye with a smile at the end of the day. Who cares what Carol your side friend that had a big blow up of a wedding thinks. She will not tell you if that one decision has made life for her and her new man hard. People always like lying how you can look at the positive side of things. There is no positive side of a debt that you could have avoided in your young marriage. You will be happy starting your marriage on the right note. Then when you and your man are comfortably educating your kids, have saved enough after a couple of promotions from both your sides- then you can have the big wedding you want.  You will plan comfortably, with no stress and by the way, you will be mature enough to know your mind then. Some of you rush weddings then when looking at your wedding pictures you are thinking of how much better you could have done. Marriage has a way of maturing you in the best ways yet, if it was someone good for you.

Get married for the right reasons. Choose the right partner whom you will be happy to call your fellow parent. Some of you are single parents even though you are married. You know what I mean. Have a wedding or don’t have a wedding but look at your pocket-your pocket, not your friend’s pocket or your sibling’s pocket or your parent’s pocket. At your pocket- your parents need that money for old people medical bills. Choose to have a big day because that is what you want not because it will look better to so and so or because someone had the same last year but for you. And will it make you happy when you wake up the next day?


- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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