Are you afraid or too careful in dating?
01 December 2015, 15:40
Nairobi - So one time you had a relationship with a man and it ended
up with you looking like a fool not only to you but also to those who were
aware of the situation. That one time taught you a lesson; ‘fooled me once, you
are the fool; but fool me twice and I am the fool’. Ever since then you decided
not to make the same mistake.
It might have been a lie that was told, a ruse that made you
believe you had something but you actually had nothing or even just being given
a run around until it finally ended. Question is, did that make you more scared
of dating or it made you more careful. Careful is good because that means you
are guarded against bullshit from the other person. You radar is up and you are
not afraid to ask if you feel like something does not add up. Before you kept
quiet and from that you realized that you somehow played a part in making them
get away with what they did. This time around not so; if they do something or
say it, you follow up and make sure that it is so. It can be having a family, a
girlfriend, being the two of you like in the survivor games-so whoever wins
gets the prize, or even just having a make believe job or
business. You do not want to make the mistake of tying yourself up to someone
wasting your time or tying the knot and discovering they were playing with you.
So you follow up, that is being careful. You are not afraid.
Scared on the other hand is what most women do, are doing
and are going to do as soon as they get into a relationship. Scared is what
some women do after being hurt that makes them a turnoff when it comes to
dating them. You talk cynical of all men to every man you go on a date with.
You act like a crazy person on first dates or follow ups: driving by his street
because he got dropped off first that one time, going through his phone while
he is in the bathroom and being hysterical because he said he lives alone but
you find out he has a roommate. That is being scared. You push people away
because of the way you act when you remember everything from last time.
Not only that when you get into a relationship, instead of
flat out asking some things, you would rather not rock the boat but snoop
around. At times information can be distorted that way, facts get lost and the
things that you should have paid attention to get away. Then you start blaming
everybody else for things not adding up for you. You become bitter and
resentful because you do not want to admit as to why nobody wants to be with
Scared while dating is when you do not want to admit to your
own faults over your past failures. Everybody else (of the male kind) is to
blame except you.
Careful is not a bad thing but what it does is just help you
be more aware and better at dating a relationships. Scared does the opposite of
that and makes you worse at it.
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