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Are you afraid or too careful in dating?

01 December 2015, 15:40 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - So one time you had a relationship with a man and it ended up with you looking like a fool not only to you but also to those who were aware of the situation. That one time taught you a lesson; ‘fooled me once, you are the fool; but fool me twice and I am the fool’. Ever since then you decided not to make the same mistake.

It might have been a lie that was told, a ruse that made you believe you had something but you actually had nothing or even just being given a run around until it finally ended. Question is, did that make you more scared of dating or it made you more careful. Careful is good because that means you are guarded against bullshit from the other person. You radar is up and you are not afraid to ask if you feel like something does not add up. Before you kept quiet and from that you realized that you somehow played a part in making them get away with what they did. This time around not so; if they do something or say it, you follow up and make sure that it is so. It can be having a family, a girlfriend, being the two of you like in the survivor games-so whoever wins gets the prize,  or even just having a make believe job or business. You do not want to make the mistake of tying yourself up to someone wasting your time or tying the knot and discovering they were playing with you. So you follow up, that is being careful. You are not afraid.

Scared on the other hand is what most women do, are doing and are going to do as soon as they get into a relationship. Scared is what some women do after being hurt that makes them a turnoff when it comes to dating them. You talk cynical of all men to every man you go on a date with. You act like a crazy person on first dates or follow ups: driving by his street because he got dropped off first that one time, going through his phone while he is in the bathroom and being hysterical because he said he lives alone but you find out he has a roommate. That is being scared. You push people away because of the way you act when you remember everything from last time.

Not only that when you get into a relationship, instead of flat out asking some things, you would rather not rock the boat but snoop around. At times information can be distorted that way, facts get lost and the things that you should have paid attention to get away. Then you start blaming everybody else for things not adding up for you. You become bitter and resentful because you do not want to admit as to why nobody wants to be with you.

Scared while dating is when you do not want to admit to your own faults over your past failures. Everybody else (of the male kind) is to blame except you.

Careful is not a bad thing but what it does is just help you be more aware and better at dating a relationships. Scared does the opposite of that and makes you worse at it.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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