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You decide what your partner should be

04 May 2015, 17:38 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - The first time I heard this piece if advise was from a now ex-boyfriend of mine. At that time we were dating and of course you know I whole heartedly disagreed with him because he was referring to how he moulded me to suit him.


It grated on my nerves because he was pointing out that all the good qualities I had was because he played a key role in creating them. I was a lump of clay and he made me into something. Anybody would disagree with that especially if it was directed to them.

Others would say that you take your partner as they are don’t try to make them into something. Appreciate them as they are. A few years down the line and I do have to agree with that assessment. Which I told my friend.

He claims that in Nairobi there are no women any longer and he feels pity for himself because he wants a serious relationship. He has resorted to going to church, both for prayers and to find a GOOD woman. I told him if that is the strategy he has been applying then that is why he is failing. There is such a thing as pretense, just because she is in church does not disqualify her from having a few bad habits. I told him that just like him maybe she is also there to net some unknowing man before she goes back to binge drinking next Friday.

I am starting to understand what that ex meant you mould your partner according to how you treat them when you meet, how you approach them, how you talk to them and how you behave around them. If you are a gentleman, she will go out of her way to be a lady. Even if it means googling the meaning of the word. She will go out of her way to be a lady so that she does not fall short.

On the other hand, if you behave like a …. a not so gentleman person then you will be approached by the same women with the same habits. That is what we call the laws of attraction.

If you treat you woman with a caring mind and look out for her well-being then she will go out of her way to ensure the same for you. If you treat her otherwise that is when her caring attitudes dissipates and you get a harridan in her place. That is when you start asking what changed her. What changed her is her discovering that you did not care to begin with and since there are no good crops at the moment, she just deals with you until the next good harvest happens by. That is the molding I am talking about. The people you are with create a change in you some for the better others for the worse.

You see people who were happily married are now miserable. The person they are with created that situation that made them into the people they are at the moment. Having an I do not care attitude. Doing what you want without regards to their feelings. Playing around out there with nobodies. Then there are those people who had no illusions but were open minded to that marriage thing.

They had a pleasant attitude towards each other but it grows into something more because they take the time to actually care about the other person. They mould their partner for the better as compared to those in the former example.

Moulding is playing a part in the growth of the other individual or changing the other person’s perception of you which in turn leads to how they end up treating you. You start good, it ends badly. You start with a bad product and end up making it good.

It takes six months to build a Rolls Royce and thirteen hours to build a Toyota. What have you been building?

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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