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Women should not be afraid to approach men

14 February 2015, 11:43 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Every woman has that friend that is beautiful, attracts attention wherever she goes, lights up a room and just turns heads. You are never too sure of what you are feeling because she still is your friend, is it envy, jealousy covetousness or at times you can just be spiteful if you are not comfortable in your own skin.  I have one of those, at first I used to think it is because she is Ethiopian but changed my mind pretty soon because there are a lot of Ethiopian women, even some we sit with and they do not have the same effect. I call it the * (her name) effect.

I like to watch her because in the years I have known her, I have come to know and learn a lot especially when it comes to interacting with men. Normally, it is me who sees, I never get the courage to go ask for the number, but * stands up and goes to the table, introduces us, gets the number and soon we are on our way. At one point she even got a business deal to go along with it too on one of our Sunday get togethers. Someone would think that I would be angry at having not been the one that got the number; but look at it this way, I am not the one who asked for it so why should I be the one to use it? Anyway, having watched her I have come to appreciate the power that a woman can have when it comes to relations with men, if she just had enough guts to get up and go get what she wants.

It is not about her beauty though it goes a long way, but the way she carries herself and interacts with them, after a few doses of her, I was able to translate it into doing the same. I am not Ethiopian but it works.

This is not about getting you that last minute date for tomorrow but if that is what you want the go for it, trust me but if it is desperation then you had better sit down because no carts will pull your way.

She always smiles and looks like she is having a good time....

I can walk through Nairobi and point out more than ten women in seconds who look like they are mean-mugging. It is like we are angry at someone and we are looking for them so that we can beat them to a pulp. I have never understood it until I looked through my mind for a time I have seen * mean-mugging and there was no recollection because this girl has that cool calm face that smiles a lot. Kenyan women need to stop looking angry, nothing chases away suitors faster than a woman who looks like she has failed in everything in life.

Everyone is attracted to someone who looks like they are happy and enjoying themselves because for the few minutes you are with them you forget your own troubles.

She is confident...

It is not about throwing yourself at every man you meet and find a ‘connection’ with. Most of us are very shy, getting up and walking up to a virtual stranger that we find attractive is hard, we also do not want to seem aggressive.

I have seen this girl do it so many times, I have been able to do it myself. I always say, the well to do men will never chase you because they are busy with the hordes of women that are on their heels everywhere they go. So if you want one, a wink or a stare from across the room will not work. You have to get yourself up and go get the number. But it is also an art, how you do it matters because you do not want to look like you are hungry and desperate.

If you get rejection, there is always the next one. Most women start thinking that maybe they are not beautiful enough; why should you let one man define you. In Jay z’s words, ‘on to the next one.’

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