Women say, NO need for a man
06 May 2015, 18:55
Nairobi - So, do Kenyan women really understand or appreciate the
value of the man in the home. No they do not. Not in a bad way but a lot of
women have actually really had it rough where the father of their children or
their husband is involved. So understandably they will scoff at anyone who
tells them that a man has value in the household. In her way of thinking, if he
does not pay fees, rent, help her take care of the household, provide security
and stability- what value are you talking about? His existence alone? Because
that is not sufficient for her.
My mother included. Do not try to tell my mother how some
man has promised to take care of you. Or how you are planning to get pregnant
with a man yet you do not have a job. She gets a really disgusted look on her
face. Her advice is, it does not matter if you are thirty, forty or twenty-get
a job first then start talking about children and men, otherwise you are a fool
in the making. She did not raise fools.
Her like a lot of women in Kenya do not see the value of a
man in the family because so many of them were disappointed. Their expectations
were never met. I am not talking about big houses, big cars and the unrealistic
things that the woman these days wants. I am talking about security, stability,
sustainability that she thought she was guaranteed when she got married.
The woman are scoffing at the idea of the man because so
far, they have been doing it all alone. So what value are you talking about? If
it is the decisions that need to be made, he is not around to help her make
them and if he is around it is because he wants to put unrealistic notions in
the mix. The man is not at home because he is at the local joint or pub
catching up with his cronies while she is running around trying to figure it
all out for them.
What value within the family are you talking about when it
comes to raising the children she has been managing it all alone. People are
out here having children …let me put it as procreation but they do not have the
intention to actually stick around, be there and be a part of the child’s
growth and development. At times it is about more than you paying for the fees
and buying the clothes. It is sitting down with the child and find out what are
they are up to. Are they clever or are they dumb? You cannot take this from the
homework-which you do not help them do. You get this from sitting down and
talking to your child are they aware? You would not know that because you are
never there. All of these, it is the women who are dealing with not the men- so
when you talk to her about the man actually being valuable she gives you a look
like, ‘get out of here!’
If it’s about security she is the one that is trying to
figure it out day in day out. Looking for ways to ensure that they never end up
out on the streets. She is the one that is looking for ways to build a home
here and also the one at back in their rural place. She does not understand
what security you are bringing to the table. Is it the one that involves people
breaking in then she might actually reconsider your value.
They get married but one person’s leg is already out of the
door. It is even easier these days because you just have an arrangement. We
have a child and everybody just lives there lives as normal. You just put it
down what is whose responsibility. Save yourself all that grief that comes with
having a man around 24/7. At least now you do not need to be worrying what jail
they are in. With whom they are spending all their odd hours. Who is calling at
odd hours? Now you have more time to concentrate on more valuable things. To
the Kenyan lady, she is yet to actually see the value of a man in her house!
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