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Women destroy marriages

26 June 2015, 15:39 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Someone said-I do not know who though- that the man is the head of the house but the woman is the neck that ends up turning the head where it wants the head to go.

The first time I heard that quote, I even subconsciously turned my head to see if it was the neck that aided it. After that inconsequential exercise, I thought of all the marriages I know. I am not married. I am of an age to marry but I am not in a hurry to get myself into THAT situation. I guess, you married people haven’t been setting such a good example for me. I also think I take that quote, ‘you made the bed, now lie in it’, too literally!

I am the one who is going to choose my husband, I will not be able to point fingers and say, he tricked me, my parents demanded or my friends looked good on the arms of their husband. At the end of the day I will be stuck with him forever. And stuck is the word. Just imagine, even if you are thirty. You might live to let’s say seventy, you are going to be looking at that face for the next forty years-if that is not undying love, I do not know what is. There is no person I know that I have loved and not sneered at, at one point or the other. I would say my child but I have caught my mother sneering at me at some point so that I can foresee. I will go further and paint a bad picture, no one wakes up with flawless eyes without dirt in them, no sweat from tossing and turning and some of you have funny bodily humors. You cannot storm out because you will go and you will still come back to them comfortably relaxing on your favorite seat,’ so what are we having for dinner?’

I can go all day about the hazards of getting married but let me ease off as someone might be getting married tomorrow. Despite having an idea of the hazard created by the institution of marriage, I am going to get into one. Because I am a woman and I like complicating my life.

So will I want to be the neck or will I try to dethrone the head of the house so that I can lead? That is where a lot of women go wrong. They do not know how to be the neck but ruin their homes by wanting to be the head because they do not know the art of subtlety. We can add seduction and subterfuge as well but I think in marriage women need subtlety most. For subtlety you need patience and we ran out of that in the courting stage. When she gets married, she realizes that in order for it to work for her and her children, she will need to take matters into her own hands.

She ruins her own home by wanting to be the head of the house, having the final say and not considering what her partner would have liked or would have appreciated in that relationship. She forgets that even though you have that ring on your finger, your marriage should still run as a relationship should. You got the ring by applying subtlety and subterfuge in your courting stage, try not to run out of that same tactic in your marriage and see how more successful it will be.

As long as a man feels that he is the one that made the decision there is not one day he will go against your idea (s). You just need to plant it there and let him be the one that agrees to it. If you cannot or do not know how to do that then how are you a woman? When we say that women are much more, yes we are.  That does not mean we cut off anything or show physical strength-you can’t win on something someone else was born with and perfecting for years. So you use what you already have to win.

You do not need to win every argument at home you are just winning at ensuring that he does not want to go back there. That is not surviving but ruining. You survive by letting some go. You do not need to be a feminist crusader and defeat your husband, your marriage is not a competition. If it is then do not be surprised to get a second wife, now who won there? Neither am I saying you become a doormat. Were you a doormat before? If you were then you are a lost cause because that dog will not change its tricks anytime soon.

The point is, the neck is what makes marriages survive being the head as a woman will destroy it. He will go and be the head in some other woman’s home and that is not what you want. The neck is not that mobile neither can it take strain so you need to know how to handle yourself as a woman before you try anything.

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- MyNews24

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